Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Random thoughts...

Foremost, I would like to thank Rashid, Sue and Shin for their kind words and support.
Especially Shin whom I've hurt so much before but is still here for me...

I have to attend a workshop tomorrow so I should be sleeping but somehow I just can't bring myself to turn in just yet.
There's a lot going on in my mind and my heart. It's part of my personality, these mood swings.

Recently confirmed what I have known about myself by scoring quite high under the 'perfectionist' label of a personality questionnaire.
Despite taking various steps to become more 'balanced' all this while, it is still my single most dominant trait.
It's highly disappointing and is a huge concern to me.

I don't understand how one can be self-centred but at the same time too thoughtful of others?
It just doesn't make sense! But those are two of the weaknesses listed under this personality.

Heck, even most of the articles here is all about me, me, me... I'm sick of it!

I'm also sad that most blogs and the bloggers I follow and have grown to love have become progressively quieter and quieter.
I guess life has over taken even the most prolific of us.

But their infrequent updates do give me much heart.
They show glimpses of success and achievements which made me glad and ever so proud to have made their acquaintances.

And I know some of them have been through much grief lately- the loss of a beloved father, the loss of a most cherished grandmother...
May you all stay strong, wipe those tears off once you're done grieving, keep your heads held high, move on and make them proud of the 'legacy' they left behind.

The sense of loss and grief will always be present, of course.
But make sure you remember their love because this is what will help you go on... like that 'Titanic' movie song! Haha!

Sorry, a most inappropriate point to bring up a silly joke, but I hope you get what I mean.

Gosh... I'm finally feeling tired enough to nod off.

Signing off for now.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Tapi bukan aku...

Pada asalnya, saya mahu meluahkan segala-galanya di sini kerana terlalu kecewa.

AlhamduliLlah saya masih mampu bersabar dan kemudiannya memutuskan untuk mendiamkan diri.

Namun, perkara yang terjadi sangat berbuku di hati. Jika bukan pada blog ini, ke mana lagikah boleh saya luahkan?

Maka catatan ringkas ini terhasillah.

Saya memang sayangkan awak lebih daripada seorang adik, walaupun kurang daripada seorang kekasih.
Berkali-kali saya pernah beritahu awak begitu.

Awak tahu kenapa saya unjurkan agar kita mengenali satu sama lain dengan lebih baik sebelum kita beralih kepada perhubungan yang lebih serius?

Sebab saya hendak lihat kesungguhan awak.

Kalau awak boleh bertemujanji dengan yang lain sehingga sanggup pergi sendiri

~ke Damansara,

~bertemu di sebuah perhentian bas depan dewan sekolah di Klang,

~selepas meminta keluarga awak turunkan awak di entah mana di Shah Alam,

~menghadiri jamuan 'Eidulfitri di Serdang yang awak sendiri beritahu saya amat membosankan...

Kenapa dengan saya sentiasa ada halangan?

Sehingga dibawa bertemu oleh keluarga awak, barulah nampak depan mata?

Akhirnya awak telah memilih sekali lagi lalu menurut ke Senawang, rumah 'makcik' awak.

Tapi bukan saya yang awak turuti.

Sepanjang perkenalan kita, walaupun saya telah mengakui sayang pada awak lebih daripada seorang adik, ini kali kedua awak memilih yang lain.

Mungkin inilah yang lebih baik untuk awak. Saya terima seadanya.
Moga awak akan sentiasa sihat, selamat dan sejahtera serta berjaya dunia akhirat.

Bagi saya, cukuplah sampai di sini...

Terima kasih atas segalanya.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

G.E. 13

Unlike most people around me, who's right and who's wrong is hardly clear in my mind.

Both sides have done great good and both sides have royally f****d up.

And stop trying to start that argument with me about who's 'wronger'.

My general knowledge is sadly too slim to put two and two together.

Besides, where the h*** did we come up with these 'hard facts' anyway?

How do we tell hearsay from truth?

How do we know those projections are applicable to our nation?

Some of my circle has become so disgusted with current developments that they are choosing to forgo voting.

I fervently believe that this is the wrong move.

What I suggest (as one Muslim to another) is we do the istikhaarah the night before.
While non Muslims could do their own soul searching or special prayers as well.

Then go vote in the morning with a clear choice and conscience.

This nation's future is in our hands.

Life's lyrics

"Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in,"
TROUBLE~Taylor Swift

Did I know? Not really. I was really truly hoping for the best.

"So I cross my heart and I hope to die
That I'll only stay with you one more night
And I know I said it a million times
But I'll only stay with you one more night,"

Tell me, is that how you really feel?

"Watch when she's lighting up the night
Nobody knows that she's a lonely girl
And it's a lonely world
But she's going to let it burn, baby
Burn, baby
This girl is on fire,"
GIRL ON FIRE~Alicia Keys

Boys catch fire too, you know?

"Where there is desire there is going to be a flame
Where there is a flame someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns doesn't mean you're going to die
You got to get up and try, and try, and try,"

That's all the option left to me now.