Doko iku no...

My spirit, my mind, my feelings and my body are in turmoil once again… 

It’s an ominous way to resume a blog after such an extended period of rest, but I guess these are exactly the things that one will write in a diary, be it on paper or online. The things that jolt us awake from our waking slumber. The things that shake the foundations of our life. The things that force us to pick up the pieces and move on. 

I’m hunting once more. For things that may never ever be real. For things that are dangerous. For things that are forbidden. In fact, I caught such a thing this morning but it looks as if I’m not going to be able to keep it. 

And I am unsure what has happened to Budak Baik. There is something going on in his life right now but I am currently so removed from it that I dare not probe. Anyway, I’m almost sure the Divider of the Sea will be able to comfort him better because I think that he alone in this whole world knows and understands Budak Baik best. However, for things like this, comfort will usually come only as time passes along far enough to blunt the pain- if ever... 

As for Jason, I hope he will find the peace and fulfillment that he’s been seeking for all this time. Not from me. Not with me by his side. I wonder if he’ll ever understand. It’s just that something within me snapped that day and I’m unable to reconcile the Jason I’ve got to know with the Jason I once knew. 

May the All Knowing bestow mercy upon us all...

Kabus dan Sirna

Mengapakah kurasa
kedinginannya malam?
Sedangkan tubuhku
dibaluti selimut

Mengapa ku terasa
sukar pabila bernafas?
Sedang ku berada
di pasir tak tersentuh laut

Apakah rahsia
yang menirai diriku?
Sehingga wajah di cermin terlihat
bukannya diriku yang sejati
Sebaliknya hanya
wajah penuh duka

Dalam merawan hiba
pergi dan hilang sesuatu berharga
Yang belum pun menjadi milik
peribadiku semalam

Dalam merawan luka
kabus dan sirna warna permata
Yang belum pun meninggalkan
kesan sebenarnya dalam hidupku

Langkawi alone… again!

The experience does not sound as bad as the title seem to be.

I hitched Cik Easy and company for a ride to Kedah. While there, Cik Easy and gang (who are supposed to be working) brought me along to try out the good food places such as Kuala Kechai (for laksa Kedah), Kopitiam (for breakfast) and Damiral’s (for way inexpensive Western cuisine).

As for Langkawi itself, it rained a lot but that didn’t stop me from enjoying myself. In truth, this would be much better as a photoblog entry so what I’ll do is stop right here and resume this entry more properly once my home has been reconnected to the worldwide web!

But please, don’t hold your breath. I would NOT be held responsible for anything that may happen if you do. Just be calm in the knowledge that it will come ;)

p.s. While traveling, no matter how pressed for time you are, do make sure to check that you have all your belongings when you exit the restroom. I lost my hand phone in Arau when I forgot to collect my pouch.

Raya Blues...

Have I told you how much I hated Raya?

Hmm… maybe ‘hate’ is too strong a word for it. It’s more like I don’t enjoy celebrating Raya a whole lot ever since I’ve learned what ‘celebrating it’ entails.

All that preparing and cooking and baking and rearranging and decorating and cleaning up the mess after the celebrating for ME is much ado about nothing. You see, all the fun and merriment that comes with preparing for Raya only works for big families. There’s only me, Ma and Pa at home therefore all the preparation feels like what it actually is- a chore (and I, of course, am one lazy sumbitch ;) but let’s not get into that)!

Personally I feel that celebrating Raya should be more of a private and spiritual thing. Yes, guests are welcomed but please don’t expect too much. It IS a virtue to honour one’s guests but the lavishness of one cannot and should not be followed by others. Entertain within your means, physically as well as financially.

Now, I hate writing this sort of article (here’s a place where that word does fit!) because it makes me sound 'holier than thou' when I am in fact simply justifying what I don’t want to be doing :P

I’d like to rant on and on about this but Ma’s already calling me downstairs to do the cookie jars and table settings. So I’ll see you after Raya! Ciao!

A Different Ramadhan...

This month of Ramadhan has been vastly different from last year.

For one, I’m more or less going it alone this year. I’ve voluntarily cut myself off from my current group of buddies since after revisiting Janda Baik with them. It’s a peculiarity of mine to just drop everything once an Event has occurred and let time determine if everything will pick up where it left off or just fizzle out.

I’m happy to inform you that things did pick up though there was much change mainly because most of my buddies have found better jobs elsewhere and we no longer have the opportunity to hang out as often.

I’m also less able to adhere to the restrictions and requirements of the fasting month. Though most believe that fasting is simply withholding oneself from sunrise to sundown from acts that may break the fast, it is so much more than that. It’s the much more than that part that I fail miserably at.

And I went to fewer breaking of fast events as compared to last year though I assure myself that it is a good thing. There were only 2 major events: gathering with my buddies at Kelana Seafood and makan-makan at Ustaz’s new home.

All in all it’s been a less than satisfying Ramadhan, especially since I’m targeting to go for Haj (hopefully with Ustaz) this year, and I really needed to step it up in order to be ready.

Guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it…

p.s. I know I shouldn't be associating Ramadhan with food but it's the only image i could think of for this entry :P