Reflections

A lot has happened and a lot has failed to happen.

I will be 37 years old this year (38 this month, if you go by Hijri years).

I am still single and unavailable.

I am still living free of the full weight of the responsibilities inherent in my life, shielded by my weary and aging parents.

Pa complained that I have my priorities wrong.
He said that the way I'm currently living is the way he had lived when he was 15-16 years of age.

And I agree with him wholeheartedly.
Though he dismisses the fact that I had an almost completely secluded and protected life at that age.

Imagine only learning to take a bus on my own at 18.
To tell you the truth, my university days were my 'teenage' years and I behaved abominably true to form.

I am truly ashamed of me during those years- I was really the most selfish of brats I have ever known.

I still am in a way, I guess, though I've learned to mitigate it with spontaneous acts of kindness.

The prospect of life at 37 seems to be a lonely one.

Where I am expected to live in the company of my own family, my own wife and kids, I currently have an empty space that I am attempting to fill with the company of friends and acquaintances.

But as friends my age began to withdraw into their own family lives, I find myself scrambling to make an ever younger circle of acquaintances.

The generation gap becomes wider and wider and I find myself socially 'unacceptable' at any level of society.

I must believe that what is, is the best for me.
Otherwise, I will be negating my belief in Qadr and Qada.

I pray daily for the strength to endure.