My spirit, my mind, my feelings and my body are in turmoil once again…
It’s an ominous way to resume a blog after such an extended period of rest, but I guess these are exactly the things that one will write in a diary, be it on paper or online. The things that jolt us awake from our waking slumber. The things that shake the foundations of our life. The things that force us to pick up the pieces and move on.
I’m hunting once more. For things that may never ever be real. For things that are dangerous. For things that are forbidden. In fact, I caught such a thing this morning but it looks as if I’m not going to be able to keep it.
And I am unsure what has happened to Budak Baik. There is something going on in his life right now but I am currently so removed from it that I dare not probe. Anyway, I’m almost sure the Divider of the Sea will be able to comfort him better because I think that he alone in this whole world knows and understands Budak Baik best. However, for things like this, comfort will usually come only as time passes along far enough to blunt the pain- if ever...
As for Jason, I hope he will find the peace and fulfillment that he’s been seeking for all this time. Not from me. Not with me by his side. I wonder if he’ll ever understand. It’s just that something within me snapped that day and I’m unable to reconcile the Jason I’ve got to know with the Jason I once knew.
May the All Knowing bestow mercy upon us all...
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