Saturday, December 25, 2004

Choobaaa-aaaan... lagik???

Andai aura tebal seinci,
Janganlah makhluk hendak diduga,
Kerana cuai menjaga diri,
Latih bernafas ulang semula

Uhuk! Aku stuck kat 6 Fatihah ni... for another month and a half pulak tu! Doakanlah aku berjaya, Amiin!

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Pesanan seorang kenalan

"w'kum salam..kawan..

Apa yang kita inginkan tak semestinya kita dapat walaupun kadangkala kita mendapatnya.

Apa yang tersirat tak tentu lagi tersurat namun kita pasrah dengan ketentuanNYA. Hanya Dia yang mengetahui perjalanan hidup kita.

Kadang-kadang kita merasakan jiwa kita kosong dan diri kita sungguh 'useless'. Itulah hakikat kejadian manusia yang sebenarnya hanya ibarat sang semut di alamNYA yang maha luas ini.

Berdoa dan bertawakkal selalu untuk mententeramkan jiwa....salam hormat..z**"

A new acquaintance passed me this message a few days ago. I thought that it’d be something really good to share with my readers (though small their number may be).

Tuesday, December 14, 2004


I really hate the PIN code that they put on a mobile phone!

Over an hour ago, I’d just had the SIM card on the on-call telephone blocked because I can’t remember the frigging PIN code! I’d never felt the need to activate the PIN code on my own handset because I feel secure enough with its safety. I guess my office doesn’t put that much trust in its staff when it comes to taking care of office property. Muahahahaha…! :))

But I’d be in deep shit if an emergency call comes in tonight and I can’t use the damn phone! Bugger…!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

You know what I did last Raya...?

It was a cold drizzly morning. Asalnya aku bercadang nak beraya bersama unggas dan mergastua di zoo yang terletak ‘berhampiran’ (well, a 30 minutes walk away IS considerably near) dengan hotel tempat aku menginap.

But because the zoo only opens at 9.30am, I decided to not waste any precious time and go ‘beraya’ with the plants at the Botanical Garden (which opens at 9.00am). Tak banyak dapat berjalan-jalan pun. Meeting habis pukul 3.30 petang tapi diorang sini tutup paling lewat pukul 6.00 petang! Akhirnya aku langsung tak berpeluang menjenguk Adelaide Zoo.

Since pictures speaks louder than words, here are pics of some of the sights in Adelaide taken using my trusty old Olympus Mu Zoom on a very cheap tripod I purchased in Langkawi (the cheapness confirmed by the fact that one of the leg screw managed to escape from its place on my tripod leg and is now making its home among the grasses of Elder Park).

Adelaide Botanical Garden. First day in Adelaide. It was actually raining while I was waiting for the free tour of the garden to begin but this tree was so shady I hardly got wet! .

Adelaide Botanical Garden. On the right is our volunteer tour guide. "Young man," she said to me, "you are going to be very, very wet!". Now if she had been 40 years younger, I would have considered it as a 'come on'. Hahaha!

Adelaide Botanical Garden. The Victoria Lily. A large sized lily pad is able to hold the weight of a small child.

Elder Park by Torrens River. Second day in Adelaide. I cut through some parks to get to Rundle Street and managed to capture this scene on film.

Melbourne Street. Some 'mat salleh's backyard. These flowers grew out of a compost heap that was in a wheelbarrow.

Adelaide Botanical Garden. Final sunny day in Adelaide.

Adelaide Botanical Garden. Pic didn't turn out as expected but I still think it's really good! :)

Adelaide Botanical Garden. Shadow play. Kisah seorang anak yang duka nestapa kerana tak dapat beraya di Malaysia... Uhuk! Uhuk!

Adelaide Botanical Garden. Final day in Adelaide. I took another pic of the tree from which I sheltered from the rain that very first morning. It looks much better under the sun.

Fromme Road just before Albert Bridge. Tak dapat pegi ke zoo, bergambar luar zoo pun jadi le...

Melbourne Street. This tree grew as it liked just outside this office building.

The All Seasons Adelaide Meridien Hotel. View of sunrise from the hotel building.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

"It's in the cards..."

Usually it’s the tarot reader who knowledgably coins the above phrase while talking about your future.

However, my blog today will not be talking about the future much less tarot cards. Instead I’ll be talking about my lack of enthusiasm for sending out Raya cards this year.

Prior to this entry, I had just written, signed and enveloped only 8 Raya cards in the most cincai manner imaginable! In previous years I would have had already posted about 15 Raya cards by the first week of Ramadhan to avoid the Raya card pile up at the post office.

I guess I’ve gotten tired of the effort of keeping in touch with friends who are still dear to me while they apparently have moved on with their lives, which used to include me but now no longer.

It’s a sad fact of life, but I should just cut my losses and simply cherish those who have stuck around for the duration. I wonder, how much longer would these friendships last…

Thursday, October 28, 2004

All dressed up and nowhere to go…

After learning to Breathe, I find myself with all this Energy without much idea on how to manipulate it. And when I do use it, I have no idea if I am doing anything with it at all and the effectiveness lies totally on faith.

Of course one can always call and confirm with an Adept, but when voiced out, the questions sound idiotic while the issues seem petty. Ustaz and Encik Usop are busy people so I feel very very guilty whenever I have to intrude on their already hectic life. Therefore, I try to bother them as little as possible but for my own learning experience, it is highly disadvantageous.

Cik Easy has been around Ustaz for almost two years now so he already knows what he’s about and all he needs from Ustaz is (hmm, how shall I phrase it?) a ‘license to kill’, or something to that effect. : P

Faisol and Cik Easy are rather tight, so they benefit from all that exercise and sparring with each other. While Abang Ipen, though lacking in confidence, actually surpass all three of us in terms of knowledge and experience.

I very much want to be an Auratsukai Adept but I feel like I’m left hanging. Unlike Cik Easy, I’m not one to go out and adventurously grab any learning opportunity I can get. I’m much more reserved and need more guidance. Sigh… all that energy but lacking much knowledge as well as experience to manipulate it. It’s like I’m all dressed up but having nowhere to go…

Be careful what you wish…

because it might just come true,” Ever heard of that saying?

Well, I have very strong reason to believe in it now. Remember my ranting, around 2 or 3 blog postings ago, the one about Raya? It seems I’m getting my wish this year, though not in the manner I’d hope for.

Earlier on, Boss had decided to send me to a meeting in Adelaide, but the date wasn’t fixed yet at that time. Now a gaggle of bright ‘mat salleh’s had grouped together and decided that,

Oh, in November, I guess any Monday and Tuesday would do for this meeting. Let’s make it on the 15th and 16th shall we?”

They’d managed to miss the fact that those dates will be the 2nd and 3rd days of Aidilfitri (which of course, unless they’re Muslims, isn’t of any significance to them in the first place)! What’s the big fuss then, you ask? I can still celebrate Raya morning and fly off to Australia in the afternoon, right? Wrong!!!

This Raya happens to be a long weekend and unfortunately, there are quite a number of people who had decided to go to Adelaide for a holiday or for whatever reason that particular weekend. Therefore the only direct flights to Adelaide available are on the day before Raya!

My flight, ladies and gentlemen, will be at 2130 hours on the 14th of November. Do you realize what that means? It means that I won’t be able to buka puasa with my family on the last day of Ramadhan because I have to be at KLIA 3 hours before the flight! Not to mention that I’ll be celebrating Raya all on my lonesome in Adelaide!!!!

But as the Japanese would say,

Shigata ga nai!”

So please, please remember, dear readers, that when next you have some thoughts about something, be very careful what you wish… Ja ne!

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

When the veil between the living and the dead grows thin...

This Ramadhan, I find it exceedingly difficult to concentrate on my fasting. There are always things that grab my attention and make me forget what I should be concentrating on. I knew it has something to do with my biorhythm picking up its pace but I didn’t realize why.

It was only until one fine evening, when a preview of Exorcist: The Beginning came on at 8TV, that I realized that Samhain was approaching. You don’t know what Samhain (pronounced SOW-wen or sah-VEEN) is? It’s also known as All Hallows Eve, otherwise more popularly known as Halloween. Get it?

I’ve always been a bit crazy… okay, scratch that- a LOT crazy during this period. Maybe it’s just all that natural energy spiking all around me, I don’t know. But until I learn to control my own energies better, I have to be more careful.

To my special study group (but I think only Cik Easy ever reads my ravings and rantings here): Do take care! It’s a 'jungle' out there!!!

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

When the new moon rises...

Ah… Ramadhan is here once more. I truly look forward to it. There is a certain mysticism, a peacefulness that exists only during that time of the year.

However, I also dread it. Why? Because Ramadhan also signals the coming of Syawal. I have never understood (nor will ever understand probably) how such a calm and peaceful month can end in such hectic activity. And it is all due to the coming of the first of Syawal.

I don’t know… All the preparation drives me crazy!!! Call me a nut if you will but I truly long for a peaceful ‘Aidilfitri, just me and my immediate family. Or maybe it’s just me (as some would undoubtedly whisper behind my back),

Biasak laa… Mamat yang kera sumbang tahap cipan memang gitu!”

My aversion to the Raya season even extends to my choice of food. If there is a choice, my relatives would never catch me eating ketupat or lemang with rendang or some such condiments at their table when my family goes visiting. I’d offer a thankful prayer to Allah if ever a relative brings out rice and normal everyday type lauk to welcome us during Raya season.

Raya biscuits, however, I’d have to have a taste, since they’re becoming even weirder and more assorted by the year, just to find out what the fuss is all about.

Hah! Ramadhan’s hardly here and I’m talking about Raya! Ahaks! It makes me think of the incident where certain shopping complexes were all decked out for Christmas even though Raya is still a couple of weeks away and Christmas is still far from sight.

But I guess it’s because this blog is where I air out my grievances. Since Ramadhan makes me calm and happy and does not give me any grief, there is no need for me to rant and rail against it.

Have a successful Ramadhan dear Muslim brothers!

Sunday, October 10, 2004



I haven't the faintest idea if you're still checking out my blog or not. But if you still do, please get in touch with me before i go to the newspapers and declare you dead!

I don't care about protocol any more, you can pass me your office number. Heck! You can even pass me Abang Li's number if it meant that I will be able to keep in touch with you! Call me bro!

Down, down the river of life...

I’m sure every one of you has had their share of ups and downs. It is the very rhythm of our lives.

"Kabi kushi kabi gham,"

I’ve noticed that I experience a rather lengthy period of feeling down from time to time, ranging from a year to at least 4 months and most commonly at the end of a year. This is one of those times. The cycle is indeterminate with the shortest being a year apart. Most of my acquaintances nowadays won’t be able to tell the difference or even care. Those who can tell, now have their own lives and worries to think about.

The first of my major down periods began when I was in Form 1. Part of what I was experiencing was the feeling of being so worthless, uncared for and unloved. I stayed up late into the night. Some of my dorm mates thought I was crazy. It lasted the whole year but I eventually managed to shake it off.

The next happened after SRP (yes, it was still called SRP back then, and yes, I am that old!). The one after that is during SPM itself. That was quite a bad one. Not only had my hostel mates thought that I was crazy, I thought that I was crazy too and had even considered that suicide might, mind you, just might be the best solution for it. Then the following one happened at the end of my two years matriculation. You see the pattern? It was happening a year apart back then and each was horrible in its own unique way.

But the worst happened at the end of the second year of doing my degree. I could hardly think back then. All I did and all the decisions I made had the wrong effect and consequences. Everything that I touched turned to ‘shit’. I lost four of my best friends that year. I even managed to get everyone in my social group seriously angry with me. They even made the decision to oust me out of the group because I had turned into a solo player. Come to think of it, it’s kind of like Survivor in a way. My name got written down one time too many and Jeff Probst finally got to extinguish my torch.

I got better after that. The major down periods thankfully came further apart. My last one before this current one was during my industrial training year. That happened after a two year rest period and so does this current one.

Hopefully, farther on in life, I’ll be able to hack down these major down periods into smaller more manageable pieces. But until then, I’m keeping my fingers crossed and hope that I won’t be doing anything too crazy or unmentionable in the near future. This is Ri, signing off for now. Have a great week!

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

You aren't getting cold feet, are you?

Have you ever tried any form of ice therapy? No? Then, if your heart is hale and (ehem, no pun intended) hearty, go give it a try!

As mentioned above, those with any form of heart conditions please try something else because these sessions do give you the shock of your life! And we’re only talking about dipping your feet, just your feet, in ice water!

My friends and I tried it out last night. The first 2 minutes were hell! It may be cold water your feet’s in but it felt like they’re burning! However, if you do manage to stick with it for the required 15 minutes, you’ll experience a most comfortable feeling afterwards. I had the best night’s sleep ever yesterday!

But as in most cases, our experience may differ from yours. I dare you to try it! And It’s up to you to rate it! Have fun!

Friday, September 03, 2004


They’ve put it up there, together with ‘Titanic’, as one of the greatest love epic of all time and I definitely agree, in fact doubly so because it is a Malaysian production.

In my opinion, Puteri Gunung Ledang IS a masterpiece. You can see the love and the effort that all those involved had wholeheartedly put into this film.

The characterization is superb. One can feel the overwhelming love of the Gusti Putri. One can more than sense the internal struggle in the heart of the Laksamana. One can practically see the wheels turning in the crafty Bendahara’s mind. From the mightiest of kings to the lowliest of rakyat, everyone was in place.

The scenes captured were true and beautifully radiant. The special effects and CG images were surprisingly realistic and suitable to each situation. The fight scenes were well choreographed and unmistakably silat. The blend of modern and gamelan music brings out the spirit of each scene and make it come alive.

I realize that though many will agree with me, there will be just as many who will disagree. But I implore you; go watch this movie with an open mind and hopefully you will come out feeling as pleasantly wonderstruck as I was and still am.

(Note: For a more detailed review, please visit

Tolong!!! Pencuri!!!

Aku (dengan lurus bendulnya) tidak menutup ‘pintu’ setelah menghalau beberapa ‘tetamu’ yang tidak diundang keluar dari rumah. Akibatnya dengan mudah rumah kami dimasuki pencuri.

Habis berselerak kamar-kamar di tingkat atas dikerjakannya. Hilanglah duit simpanan kecemasan yang Pak simpan di rumah dan lupuslah sejumlah besar barangan kemas Mak.

Cincin delima Mekah dan cincin zamrud aku pun dikebasnya. Tambahan pula beg sandang lusuh aku juga turut dikidnap untuk membolehkan Sang Pencuri mengangkut hasil songlapannya dengan lebih selesa. Malah lebih malang lagi, kacamata hitam jenama Rayban kesayangan aku berada dalam kocek beg sandang tersebut.

Choooobaaaa-aaaaaan… Dah takde rezki nak buat camne? Ahak! Ahak!
(Mak cukup marah sebab aku releks sangat berdepan dengan situasi ini)

I've been to Nexus!

I used to wonder at the hefty fees incurred if one wishes to holiday at the Nexus Resort Karambunai, but no longer.

One of the courses I attended had brought me to this incredibly beautiful and scenic place.

The friendly service is first class while the accommodations, second to none. The phone operators don’t just say, “How may I help you sir/madam?”. They actually mention your name: Encik So And So, or Ms. This and That.

I could have finished off more than three roles of film if I had a mind to do it. I wish I'd scanned some of the views I’d taken while i was there so I could show them to you.

Of course it wasn’t entirely perfect. There were hitches now and then, but everything is forgiven due to the charm of the place.

The cheapest room (maximum 2 adults and 2 children) is currently priced at RM520.00 a night. But if you ever manage to scrape up some savings for that special holiday, do give this place a try…

I've been to Nexus!

I used to wonder at the hefty fees incurred if one wishes to holiday at the Nexus Resort Karambunai, but no longer.

One of the courses I attended had brought me to this incredibly beautiful and scenic place.

The friendly service is first class while the accommodations, second to none. The phone operators don’t just say, “How may I help you sir/madam?”. They actually mention your name: Encik So And So, or Ms. This and That.

I could have finished off more than three roles of film if I had a mind to do it. I wish I'd scanned some of the views I’d taken while i was there so I could show them to you.

Of course it wasn’t entirely perfect. There were hitches now and then, but everything is forgiven due to the charm of the place.

The cheapest room (maximum 2 adults and 2 children) is currently priced at RM520.00 a night. But if you ever manage to scrape up some savings for that special holiday, do give this place a try…

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Buat Muhammad

(tak tau le sama ada dia baca atau tak bebelan aku kat blogspot ni…)

Kerna terpaksa aku rela menangis,
Kerna terpaksa kuturut kata hati,
Gementar tubuhku dengan keputusan ini,
Biarpun perit kuteruskan jua

I wanna run to you,
But if I come to you,
Will you stay?
Or will you run away

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Hilang lagi???

Handset Didi hilang lagi. Ini entah kali yang ke berapa aku sendiri pun dah tak ingat. Seingat aku belum sebiji handset pun yang pernah meraikan ulangtahun pembeliannya yang pertama bersama Didi.

Tapi semasa handset ada pun Didi memang jarang contact aku (tapi tak tau le pulak kalau dia selalu contact kawan-kawan dia yang lain). Heran gak aku sebab abang Imam yang dok nun jauh di Nilai pun sudi hantar SMS kat aku paling-paling sekali sebulan.

Aku pun maleh nak ganggu rumahtangga bahagia dia tak tentu pasal. Lagipun dia sentiasa sibuk dengan kerjanya sehingga tak sempat mengajak kawannya ni hatta untuk menikmati persembahan LAMAN sekalipun.

Aku rasa jauh di sudut subconscious Didi ada menyimpan hasrat agar dia dibiarkan dengan hidupnya yang bahagia sekarang ini. Camne Didi? Betul tak?

Sunday, August 08, 2004


I’ve been sick for slightly more than 2 weeks now and I suspect it’s going to last a few more. Then I suddenly realise what this might be. It’s the Trial Ustaz has been warning us about.

“You will be Tested,” that was how he lightly phrased it.

No naughty ghosts playing their dirty little tricks. Oh, no no no no no no! For me, it’s going to be prolonged illness. I’m hacking and coughing my guts out as if my life depended on it. I have a fever that comes and goes. My nose is like a leaky faucet at times. But as P. Ramlee and his cohorts chanted in the movie Pendekar Bujang Lapok-


Going to work is another Trial. Despite Breathing, I’m so drained at the end of every work day that sometimes I skip Breathing (Hahaha! Naughty me!) because I was so damn tired!

Sick as I am though, I managed to force myself to catch two action flicks last Saturday afternoon (because if I prefer the full cinema experience) before they stopped showing them. Notice that I call them flicks because in my opinion, that’s all they are.

Catwoman and The House of Flying Daggers were aesthetically pleasing, but the story leaves much to be desired. I still have I, Robot on my list. Hope I’ll be lucky enough to catch that next week.

Saturday, July 31, 2004

Virus, oh virus (NOT the computer kind!)...

Aku pergi kerja pada hari Isnin dalam keadaan tekakku sedikit perit bersama batuk-batuk kecil. Mak turut mengadu masalah yang sama kepada aku pagi itu. Memandangkan aku bukan benar-benar sakit, aku meneruskan kerja seperti biasa. Lagipun, ketika sakit sikit-sikit ini lah kita perlu aktif agar dapat melawan penyakit (kononnya la, dari mana agaknya aku belajar benda ni?).

By noon, my little coughs have all grown up and have kids. I ache all over and it was all I could do to drag myself to the clinic. I left with a packet of medicines and 2 days of sick leave.

Sampai rumah, Pak bagitau yang Mak pergi jemput Udin dari sekolah sebab dia pun sakit. Oleh kerana Mak juga sakit, dia bercadang nak singgah di klinik dalam perjalanan membawa adik pulang.

The three of us were almost bedridden (read as 'melepek') most of Monday night, all of Tuesday, and part of Wednesday. I went back to work on Thursday though I was far from okay. It seems that my hacking and coughing on Monday has some effect on the rest of the crew as well: a little sniff here, a cough there.

Hari Jumaat, giliran penolong ketua kaunter pula untuk tumbang. Tapi dia masih boleh bekerja dengan bantuan sedas dua panadol. Aku rasa, setelah puas mengerjakan aku, virus tu hanya sekadar bertegur sapa dan menyepak-nyepak manja orang di sekeliling aku.

Today, Pak is officially sick. Yesterday, he was still gung ho enough to go to the surau. In fact, he even went to a neighbour’s kenduri after going the clinic this afternoon! Pak said,

Kalau dok diam je makin sakit le nanti. Kena lawan penyakit ni!”

Ler… Dari situ ke rupanya aku belajar pasal ‘lawan penyakit’ tu? Satu sikap yang bagus pada pendapat aku. Namun, sebagaimana aku sebelum ini, Pak juga telah kecundang dalam perjuangannya dan kini sedang melepek di bilik tidur…

Saturday, July 24, 2004

AF2- Mas sucks!!!

I never thought I'd be mentioning even anything that remotely hints at 'Akademi Fantasia 2' because Sultan Muzaffar is around giving a more profesional and competent critique than I will ever put out. However this time, I really, really need to get it out of my system!

Mas sucked big time on tonight's show, but it was Nurul who got the boot?

Come on Malaysia! What the heck is wrong with you? Pity is no replacement for talent! Yes, she is a poor single mom. BUT if she keeps on singing like THAT, her satay sales, metaphorically speaking, will top her album sales any bright old day!

Come on Mas! Wake up and smell the coffee! You must have had some vestige of talent if you managed to wiggle your way on to AF2! So show us talent! Buck up or back out!!!

Warkah untuk Pak Lang

Kehadapan Pak Lang yang dikasihi dan diingati selalu,

Assalam ‘alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh,

Apa khabar Pak Lang sekarang? Ri harap Pak Lang dan keluarga sentiasa berada dalam keadaan sihat sejahtera.

Bagi memulakan bicara, Ri terutama sekali ingin menyusun sepuluh jari memohon maaf sekiranya kehadiran warkah ini menganggu hidup Pak Lang. Ri sedar bahawa Pak Lang sekarang begitu sibuk dengan tugasan untuk mendidik anak bangsa. Tambahan pula dengan perhatian yang perlu ditumpukan kepada Mak Lang tercinta serta Marwan Si Comel. Itu semua adalah tanggungjawab yang perlu diutamakan dalam hidup seorang insan berkeluarga.

Ri faham itu semua. Namun kefahaman bukanlah ubat bagi kerinduan. Kefahaman tidak akan dapat menggantikan sokongan yang Pak Lang berikan selama ini. Kefahaman tidak mampu menemani Ri melalui hidup yang penuh dugaan dan cabaran. Walaubagaimanapun, Ri terima ketentuan Allah ini dan hormati kewajipan yang perlu Pak Lang tunaikan.

Oleh itu, Ri akan meneruskan perjalanan yang entahkan sampai ke mana tanpa Pak Lang di sisi. Juga terima kasih yang tidak terhingga Ri ucapkan di atas kesudian Pak Lang menemani Ri sebelum ini, sehingga Ri berjaya menjejaki tempat di mana Ri berada sekarang.

Semoga Allah akan turut merahmati Pak Lang serta memberkati hidup Pak Lang sekeluarga sepanjang perjalanan di dunia yang fana ini hinggalah ke akhirat yang kekal abadi.

Salam sayang daripada anakanda nan jauh,


Sunday, July 11, 2004

Spears me 'Every Time'

Britney Spears- what is it that keeps my ears pricked for one of her songs every time I turn on the radio?

Personally, I think her status as an artist/performer is only so much wishful thinking. Though many who have seen her not so recent tour would heartily disagree with me! Of course, people do tend to get enthusiastic for all that show of skin and exposed bedroom acts. However, my statement still stands. Additionally, she mimed at those concerts and that certainly put her performance (and stamina) level down many notches in my opinion.

Her vocals are nothing to wow about. She doesn’t effortlessly sing up and down the scale like her contemporary, Christina Aguilera. And what a mismatch she makes, teamed up with Beyonce and Pink in that Pepsi commercial! While the two singers’ styles and attitudes really shone through, Britney came across as wooden and projected the image of being the weakest among that group of Amazons.

But after all is said and done, I still stay in front of the tube when one of her music videos shows up. Why is that? Because whatever her failings are, that woman can sure pick a song! They could be catchy, they could be plaintive, but they strike a cord in me every time. The lyrics are simple and at times may sound as if they were simply shoved and squeezed in to fit the melody but the meaning of those words are profound.

My latest Britney craze is the song Every Time'. Do find time to listen to it. If you do have an ear for music, no matter what type of music you prefer or how much of teeny bopper music you hate, I guarantee that you will find this song beautiful. Try it!

Every time I try to fly I fall
Without my wings I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby

Every time I see you in my dreams
I see your face
It’s haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

Monday, July 05, 2004

Kemaafan Dendam Yang terindah

Di suatu malam yang sepi, berkumandang lagu tersebut di Radio Era lantas mengimbau kenangan silam.

Kurasakan perlu menitip surat buat tatapanmu
Sekali ini aku rela merendah diri melara
Agar perhubungan terjalin semula

Tak mungkin kutahu apa tersirat di hati kecilmu
Andainya aku yang bersalah maafkan saja
Kemaafan, kemaafan dendam yg terindah

Cinta itu tak mungkin bersatu melainkan dengan izin Allah. Dia telah memilih egonya dan bukan hubungan kami. Lalu aku maafkan Dia dan melepaskannya kerana sesuatu relationship itu tidak akan berjaya sekiranya hanya seorang sahaja yang berusaha menghidupkannya.

Bapak dan pouch aku

Bapak sound aku pasal pouch yang aku pakai. Banyak sangat kes ragut sekarang ni katanya.

Takde ke cara nak sorokkan pouch tu? Kalau pakai kat luar macam tu akan menarik minat peragut,”

Dah namanya pouch, aku sorok dalam baju camne pun masih terbonjol gak benda tu! Statement Bapak tu telah amat amat menakutkan aku, especially since daripada pengalaman aku, mulut Mak, Pak aku ni biasanyan tersangat le masinnya.

So tanpa sedar aku telah over react terhadap kenyataan Bapak tu. Kesian Bapak. Tapi orang yang ketakutan dah tak pandang kanan kiri dah. Orang yang ketakutan akan buat apa saja untuk mengelakkan diri daripada perkara yang menakutkannya, walaupun sekadar sebuah kenyataan.

Pak, minta maaf banyak-banyak. Ri sedar Bapak hanya mengingatkan kerana Bapak ambil berat kebajikan Ri. Ri akan sorokkan pouch tu sedaya-upaya, walaupun Ri takde idea dah nak sorok camne lagi pouch tu selain daripada tutup dengan baju je.

Hai… lepas ni perlu buat positive thinking banyak-banyak supaya dapat menjauhkan perkara yang tak diingini. Amin!

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Instant Conference!

How did a grand conference come into being one and a half months after its conception?

Easy! Those in administration please do ignore the years and years of feedback from staff and customers alike and soon you’ll find the need to address and remedy all the resulting complications. I guarantee you!

My company’s admin finally got a whiff of *morning coffee (*please read as ‘fire) when one fine day, they found that there will not be enough cash to purchase a considerable amount of the company’s most valuable commodities to last the year. They also discovered, to their consternation, that the pile of customer complaints and suggestions has finally reached ceiling level and then some.

The hose they’ll be using to fight this inferno is The Conference.

A Top Executive came up with the idea in mid May and decreed that it be executed in mid June, which had to be postponed to early July due to lack of venue. The two day conference aims to educate key staff and put up policies regarding the rational mobilisation and utilisation of company resources.

Personally, I’m not putting much stock into the educating bit (can you imagine trying to change 20 over years of practices and habits in 2 days?) but hopefully, the policies will be enough of a stopper in the hole of our, slowly but surely, sinking ship to keep us afloat until we reach the shipyard for much more permanent repairs.

Sunday, June 27, 2004

Diet yang bukan diet?

Aku dan Didi telah menghadiri satu majlis dinner di Mandarin Oriental. Memang Didi adalah temanku yang paling cocok untuk pergi makan-makan. Menu malam itu merupakan Western style buffet. Namun entah mengapa, ada pula disediakan nasi putih untuk dimakan bersama-sama pelbagai hidangan barat yang ada.

Sebagaimana lazim, aku dan Didi terus menuju ke kaunter yang paling kurang sesak pada masa itu supaya kami boleh segera menikmati makanan. Akan tetapi, tidak sebagaimana lazim, Didi mengambil kuantiti yang kurang berbanding aku.

Kau okay ke?” Aku bertanya risau.
Biasa je…” balas Didi selamba.

Untuk course yang seterusnya, kuantiti makanan yang Didi ambil masih jauh berbeza berbanding timbunan makanan aku. Malah untuk course berikutnya, Didi telah berhenti makan lebih awal daripada aku.

Kau diet ke?” aku mengagak.
Takde lah! Aku dah kenyang,” pantas Didi menjawab.

Majlis hampir selesai. Semua makanan yang ada telah pun kami jamah*.
(*sila baca sebagai ‘lantak’)
Waiter yang melayani meja kami terus meletakkan set cawan di atas meja lalu bertanya dengan sopan,

Coffee or tea, sir?”

Aku memilih teh, sementara Didi pula meminta secawan kopi. Aku terus meminta kepastian,

Eh, kau ni tengah diet ye?”
Mana ada. Biasa je lah, macam selalu,” Didi menegaskan.

Aku masih tak puas hati dengan jawapan Didi. Namun aku membiarkan sahaja lantas mengacau sepeket gula ke dalam teh aku. Sedang aku masih tertanya-tanya akan perubahan sikap Didi, tiba-tiba aku dapati Didi mencapai sepeket Equal untuk dibancuh ke dalam kopinya.

Aik? Betul ke tak diet Didi oiii…??!”

Didi tergelak geli hati.

Saturday, June 19, 2004

Lidah dan Hati

Suatu malam, di sebuah kedai makan di Kampung Medan.

Esok berapa haribulan?” Ustaz bertanya.

Dah masuk 1 haribulan dah Ustaz,” jawabku.

InsyaAllah pertengahan bulan akan datang ni kelas mula,”

Mulutku menjawab selamba,
Oh, iye ke?”

Padahal, dalam hati,
Yessss!!!” *jump for joy* jump for joy* cartwheel* cartwheel* Gedebuk! (jatuh)

Aku ni memang jenis cepat excited. Sikit-sikit terlompat. Sikit-sikit melenting. Perlu modify behaviour aku tang ni. Ustaz pun ada berkata,

Ketenangan itu adalah kunci…”

Hati perlu tenang agar segala perbuatan kita bermakna.
Kata-kata yang disertakan dengan hati adalah lebih tajam dan menusuk daripada cakap kosong.
Kata-kata yang datang dari hati akan meresap terus ke dalam jiwa pendengar.

Begitulah ikatan antara lidah dan hati

Tapi pointnya, kelas dah nak start! Yehuuu!!!

Sunday, June 13, 2004

On being ***

I hereby declare 1 Utama as a local forest reserve.

Why, you ask? Well, there are all kinds of ‘balak’ to be had there: cengal, meranti, jati… you name it. But like any other reserves, they are off limits to ‘illegal loggers’ like me. To get a license/permit, you need to be a lady and I have an extra branch sticking out of my body that renders me totally ineligible.

I cruised that shopping complex strung out between extreme excitement and total depression. Doc would half jokingly say that I was already qualified for antipsychotic therapy. Lucky me, I found the next best thing. A friend recommended it to me a long, long time ago. It really picked me up!

It is a VCD, a real story about the trials and tribulations of the team that won the Thai National Volleyball Championship in 1996. It is the story of the Iron Ladies!

Tetsu onna da! Keredomo aitsu tachi ga… onna ja nai,”

My fellow humans, one does not put in an effort to be fag. One would never want to! You either are or you are not. This story reminded me to value what I am.

But, a buddy once said to me that people can change! He quoted,

Allah tidak akan mengubah sesuatu kaum itu melainkan dengan usaha kaum itu sendiri!”

Ah, such words are easy for someone who is already what he is: a true blue guy. But as the saying implies, you must want to change in order to do so. How about if the reverse was true and I lay on him that very same line? Would he find it any easier to swallow, I wonder?

Change is a very difficult thing to do. Outside support alone will never be enough. It takes a really strong person to change successfully and most of us are not that strong emotionally. Look around us. How many 'questionable people' are still single? And how many are divorced? Why?

Chigaimasuka? Dou suru?”
Am I wrong? So what do I do hmm..?

Saturday, June 05, 2004

VIP Blues...

Kisah berlaku pada awal tahun 2004 ini di salah satu kaunter di ofis aku.

Beliau datang dari kejauhan sana lantas terus tertegak di depan kaunter. Para pelanggan yang sedang beratur terkebil-kebil memandang Beliau dengan penuh tandatanya.

Makcik yang mengumpul borang pesanan di kaunter terus menegur Beliau dengan sopan,
Encik, untuk menghantar borang perlu mula beratur di sana,”

Awak tak kenal saya siapa?” Beliau bertanya penuh hairan.

Maaf encik,” jawab Makcik, jujur, “Memang saya tak kenal,”

Dengan nada agak marah beliau membalas,
Sayalah XXX! sayalah YYY di ZZZ!”
(In other words, I’m Someone Important. Serve me immediately or else…)

Oh, puh-leeeez!!!

Terbayang-bayang aku akan kisah seseorang. Pernahkah anda mendengar frasa ‘Arab yang yang berikut- Ana rabbukumul a’laa…”?

Begitukah sikap seorang kakitanga awam yang berpangkat? Bagaimana ia boleh terjadi?

Sedangkan tugas seorang kakitangan awam adalah untuk berkhidmat kepada rakyat.

To do that, you need to be humble! How else can you put yourself in the rakyat’s shoes? It’s really difficult to hear what the rakyat is telling you when you’re sitting high up in that cushy office of yours.

Jadi tolonglah kakitangan awam sekelian, betulkanlah niat bekerja anda!
Perbaikilah sikap anda!

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Anime Expose- Dai itsu ka: X

What if the fate of the world lies in your hands? Do you choose to protect it or do you choose to destroy it? That is the dilemma facing Shirou Kamui.

It is not as easy a choice as you’d think.

Protect the world and its ultimate fate is left in the hands of the humans populating it. How much faith do you have that we humans would make all the right choices in conserving the earth? At the present rate of pollution and destruction, earth will be destroyed in a very short time indeed.

So why not let the world be destroyed? The earth is a resilient planet. It survived the end of the dinosaurs. It survived an Ice Age. This destruction will simply mark the end of humans only. The earth will live on and flourish once more.

Either way, the possibility of earth’s destruction is very real. That is what prompts the dream seer Kuzuki Kakyou to say,
Mirai wa tada hitotsu…”
There is only one future…

However, to this cynical statement, Monou Kotori counters,
Mirai wa mada kimattenai te…”
The future still hasn’t been decided…

Sahabat sekelian, masa depan di tangan kita semua. Pastikan segala yang mungkin telah diusahakan sebelum menyerah kepada takdir. Jadilah khalifah yang terbaik di bumi Allah ini.

Sore wa ‘X’ no nerai da.”
That is the message of X.

Anime Expose- Hajimemashita: Introduction / Pendahuluan

When one has a weblog, one would wish for it to continue ‘forever’, so to speak.

A famous Malaysian blog writer who calls himself ‘Tok Rimau’ states that a good blog should be mostly short and sweet and straight to the point. I could see his point. Not all are gifted enough to hold an audience’s attention after the first or second paragraph. He refers to this excess of blog as ‘cirit-blogirit'- blog diarrhea.

However, there is also this unfortunate thing called writer’s block, blog constipation or ‘semblogit’, as I dubbed it. Thereby, Anime Expose'(ah-knee-meh ex-po-say) is born!

Consider it roughage for my brain. It helps me think of ideas to bring up in my weblog. It also helps to fill my ‘at least once a week’ blog update when I run out of ideas. *grin*

Anime Expose is my personal summary of each anime series that I have seen. And boy, have I seen a lot of them! I hope you’ll enjoy it.

Saturday, May 29, 2004

Study = Sakit Jiwa???

Abang Imam SMS hari tu. Antara kandungan SMSnya,

Muaz exam minggu akan datang ni,”

Exam? Budak tadika umur 5 tahun exam? Dahsyat sangat ke suasana pembelajaran sekarang ni?

Sepanjang aku tadika dulu yang aku tau main je. Time belajar main, time rehat main, sampai main pun main-main! Penilaian tahunan dibuat pun berdasarkan aktiviti dan interaksi harian. Tak main le exam exam ni.

Doc pun ada memerhatikan bahawa antara golongan yang terbanyak menerima rawatan untuk tekanan jiwa adalah golongan pelajar (dari darjah 5 ke atas) serta cikgu-cikgu!

Walaupun Malaysia nak maju macam Jepun, harap-harap jangan le sampai ada budak bunuh diri sebab tak lulus ujian kemasukan universiti!

P.S. Tahniah kepada Abang Apai yang akan naik pelamin awal bulan Jun ni!

Saturday, May 22, 2004

Di mana aku yang dulu?

I’m getting old...

Aku pasang CD lagu-lagu tarian asli yang aku beli kat 1 Utama tadi. Gatal lak kaki nak merasakan kembali zaman kegemilangan dulu. Irama Zapin Yaladan tu sekadar 4 minit setengah aje, tapi baru separuh jalan, aku dah mengah!

To think that we used to do a 10 minute show without breaking a sweat and still had enough stamina left to present a 15 minute creative fusion of Malay dances right after that.

Dou shiyou
What do I do?

Kalau camni, teruk le aku bila Ustaz mulakan training nanti...

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Suami, isteri dan ...

Satu sudut meja makan di rumah Cik Easy penuh dengan botol-botol pelbagai jenis. Terdapat sos cili (atau tomato, atau mungkin kedua-duanya, aku sendiri kurang periksa) juga kicap daripada jenama yang berbeza-beza.

Nita suka Linggam’s, tapi aku suka brand lain,”

Itu le antara komen Cik Easy apabila ditanya mengenai situasi tersebut. Oh, begitukah? Rupa-rupanya, berlainan sekali citarasa sepasang suami dan isteri hatta ke perkara yang se'minor' itu. Namun, berbeza macam mana sekali pun, kalau dah namanya lelaki dan perempuan, mereka tetap serasi. Betul?

Tapi, bagaimana pula dengan kita-kita yang songsang ni?

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Pressure and the Patsy

Boss sound aku Jumaat lepas,

Salah dari segi undang-undang kalau biarkan Liza (cashier kat kaunter aku) serahkan barang pada pelanggan. Sepatutnya serahan dibuat oleh staf terlatih supaya barang yang betul diserahkan pada pelanggan yang sepatutnya,”

Boss cakap je memang le senang. Tapi kalau Boss betul sayang kat aku, dia akan bagi aku staf terlatih tambahan.

Kaunter aku sekarang cuma ada EMPAT staf terlatih. DUA dah busy ambil order dan pack barang. DUA lagi busy key in dalam computer sambil periksa barang. Akhirnya tinggal cashier je le yang boleh tolong bagi barang kat customer.

Boss tak kira. Wrong is wrong. Liza kena tunggu salah seorang daripada kami untuk serahkan barang pada customer. Bila buat macam tu, kerja bahagian lain tertangguh sebab kena tinggalkan sekejap untuk buat tugas serahan. Masa kerja overall untuk memenuhi order setiap customer bertambah. Customer pulak marah sebab lambat dapat order.

Tapi kalau biar Liza serah, dia tak reti nak check barang. Kalau salah barang boleh bawa masalah pula pada customer.

Pilihan satu: Customer bising dan marah sebab barang lambat
Pilihan kedua: Customer susah sebab dapat salah barang

Kesimpulan: mana-mana satu pun yang aku pilih, fail borang aduan untuk kaunter aku sure akan jadi makin tebal
Pagi semalam aku ambil aura photo kat Amcorp Mall. Merah menyala! Sah sah tengah tensen!!!


AND I have joined yet another multi-level marketing scheme (MLM). I’ve joined two schemes before this. I wonder if I’m just a sucker for these things.

The first time, I entered Nu-Skin willingly. My face was like pizza and I desperately needed to increase my personal saham. The products ARE satisfying. You can really see the difference on yourself (as well as your wallet :P). Nu-Skin anyone?

As for the second time, I was brought to an Omegatrend talk totally unawares, like the proverbial lamb to the slaughter. I really could use the money then so I took the bait and was reeled in without a fight like a dead fish.

The problem with these two schemes is that they are high maintenance and require customers with humongous spending power! Unfortunately, I do not move in those circles and socially, I’m hopelessly inept.

Ah, what the heck! If you never start walking, you’ll never reach any destination. Hope I read the map right this time and get to where ‘X’ marks the spot! ;)

Friday, May 14, 2004

This is me

There is a saying that when you mingle with perfume vendors, you will come away, more likely than not, smelling fragrant. And when you mingle with coal miners, you will come away smeared with coal dust. What I’m trying to say is simply that one can see what kind of a person one is from the company one keeps.

Therefore, part of me is a gay boy longing for someone to love him sincerely while part of me is a girl who enjoys the independent life she currently leads.

Part of me is a healthcare professional who is struggling to care for his patients while part of me is an illegal immigrant who is working as a cook at a roadside Tomyam stall.

Part of me is a computer nerd who is happy facing a screen all day while part of me is an artist who creates beautiful, wondrous drawings.

Part of me is a spiritual healer with abilities beyond your imagination while a part of me is a sick man who is waiting for his time to come.

Part of me is the imam of a grand mosque while a part of me is a sinner who dances his night away at a sleazy club.

They are all a part of me but I am unlike any of them. I am Ri.

Boku no nikki ga koko kara hajimaru
My journal begins here…