Monday, August 27, 2007

Dunia batinku...

Awal perkenalan kami, aku telah menujukan lagu ini kepada Budak Baik.

Waktu itu bulan Ramadhan dan ketika itu aku sedang membonceng motor bersamanya dalam perjalanan pulang dari majlis berbuka puasa. Bersama kami mendendangkannya untuk menceriakan suasana. Sejuk angin malam hapus dalam senyum tawanya yang riang.

Kemungkinan kini, akhirnya dia mengerti makna lagu ini…

Selalu ku bayangkan
Bagaimanakah agaknya rasa di tempatmu
Di samping kekasih yang membelai hati dan perasaanmu, oh kawanku…

Malu ku nak cerita
Kerana ku tak mahu kau sampai baca rahsiaku
Biarlah tak siapa yang tahu gejolak di dunia batinku

Zahir kau lihat bukan segala-gala
Bibir tersenyum menutup jiwa yang duka
Zahir kau lihat hanya antara lapis
Mataku sinar bergenang tangis

Memang nasib pencinta
Kerap terhenti di simpang hidup rindukan cahaya
Sang kasih yang setia
Sang kasih yang amat sempurna cintanya

Biarlah tak siapa yang tahu
Gejolak di dunia batinku

Zahir kau lihat bukan segala-gala
Bibir tersenyum menutup jiwa yang duka
Zahir kau lihat hanya antara lapis
Mataku sinar bergenang tangis

Demi cinta yang benar...

Saturday, August 25, 2007

It's a small world...

Ma never was the sentimental type of person, unlike Pa and me.

But she could recall the most amusing stories of her life and tell it in a very interesting manner. This evening, she was recounting the fact of how small this world really is.

To Ma it was like she was revolving around the same circle of acquaintances. One instance was when she got married to her first hubby, the best man cum wedding planner was; let’s just call him Mr. X. Much later in life when she married Pa, and who happened to turn up but Mr. X, who turned out to be Pa’s close relative.

She’d also run into and got reacquainted to various kampung mates, classmates and the likes who were related to Pa in one way or another. They may be his family and friends or his colleagues’ wife, even his boss’ wife!

In fact Ma got unasked for bits of news regarding her ex-hubby by dint of the guy being Pa’s friend’s neighbor, which amused Pa greatly since he knew Ma’s first marriage ended less than amiably.

For Ma, as she keeps bumping into these characters from the past, it is indeed a very small world after all.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Cheese Louise...!!!

Gourmet cheeses are an acquired taste and my recent experience made me fervently wish I had not attempted to acquire it!

It’s been a while since I’ve been to Paya Serai. So one fine evening I decided to go for their buffet dinner. Throughout the dinner, I realized that I must be getting really old because I was already feeling full after the fourth course whereas before I was almost virtually bottomless! Well, that fact aside, let’s get back to our topic- the gourmet cheeses!

Okay, as I breeze through the wide variety of selections, I often pass by the cheese tray. Usually neglecting this offer for other more exotic temptations, this time I decided to say ‘what the hey…’ and cut myself tiny portions of the cheeses displayed.

There were five different types if I remembered correctly (though it most certainly doesn’t aid one’s recall when one is trying one’s best to FORGET the experience). There were several triangular blocks of differing hues; orange, strong yellow with red crust, pale yellow with white crust, creamy white; and one bell shaped with a crust of what I think is bluish grey mould.

The first one I tried was rather bland, a mere echo of the mass produced individually wrapped square cheese slices available in supermarkets. However, as I proceeded to bite into the next few selections, they all tasted to varying degrees of rotten. The final one was so redolent of ammonia it felt like I was chewing frozen piss, if you’d pardon my expression.

It took all my willpower and large mouthfuls of warm water in between bites to finish off the cheese course. Why not just leave it then, you ask me? Two reasons: firstly, when I voluntarily chose to eat something, I will polish it off regardless of what I think about it and secondly, I paid good money for this meal so I’m sure as hell going to eat it!!!

Thereby, I give my most solemn of vows to stick to your normal average supermarket cheese until a really convincing argument shall persuade me to once again give the gourmet cheeses a second chance!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

The power of goodbye...

All it took was just one silly sms to disrupt someone’s life…

… and the effect took away one of the most important person in mine. As I write this, the reality has not yet begun to sink in. I don’t feel anything. But I dread the moment when the shock wears off.

As I take step after plodding step through life, I am now bereft of one more support. Therefore the steps I am taking now feel that much heavier.

He came back after stepping out of my life 9 long years ago and now he’s gone once again, more permanently it seems. In the short time that we’re together, he’d done so much for me just by being there because he’s one of the few people who truly understands and accepts me for what I am.

I know I’ll miss him so much, but what’s done is done. The fault was mine. I finally crossed the line and it’s the breaking point of our friendship. I realize that his own life is full of challenges and he doesn’t need more burden added to all that. Therefore I can admit that I gladly let him go though it really saddens me.

Everything happens for a reason. After all that I have experienced, I do believe that what has occurred is most likely the best thing to happen to us though I don’t think I’ll ever see how I’ll benefit from this second breakup with my favourite ‘big brother’.

I do have such a knack for spoiling all the friendship I have managed to cultivate. I think I’m going to give friendship a rest for a time and just go through life on my own the best that I am able.

As my few last words, I’d like to once again wish you and family all the best in this world and the hereafter. Apai nii-san, subete wo hontou ni sumimasen deshita. Sayonara, nii-san