Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Now I get it...

Do you ever wonder why you react a certain way when faced with certain things?

I wonder no longer...


I always blow up, get irritated and even downright defensive when I need to stand up for what I believe in.

Looking back, I realized that as a teen, I almost never win an argument with my parents.
My thinking was less matured, of course, and if I my feelings weren't burning so strongly, I would have been able to see the validity of their argument.

One may think, it happened such a long time ago that it no longer affect us.
In fact, it left such a big impression on me that I always have this unshakeable feeling that I will lose any argument when standing up for myself.

Thus, I get all worked up and angry for no apparent reason.

However, that does not mean that my parents were always right. Valid reasons do not necessarily make the right reasons.
For example, my move to a different high school after Form 3, to a better school by far , but I failed to thrive there.
In fact, I got even more emotionally messed up and performed much less than expected, academically.

I understand that parents want the best for their children. And they make decisions based on their pooled experiences and knowledge. But is it enough?

It may be the best we can do as parents but it may not be the best for our children.
So this is where du'aa comes in. Pray like anything that you've made the right decisions for your children in the long run.

To those parents out there, remember that our children learn mostly from their main carers who are supposed to be us, parents, by the way, so there's only ourselves to blame if the kids start emulating characteristics from bibik- but that is another story.

Individual personality and external factors do play a role but ultimately, it is:

1. The way you, Moms and Dads, treat each other
2. The way you treat your children
3. The way you treat other people
4. The way you react to things around you

that will be the basic model for how your children will behave.

And the hardest thing to remember is that there is NO WAY that parents can treat their children the same!
Each child is different and it is our job to find out how to handle each one, balancing it just so that you fulfill the needs of each child while none feel neglected in any way.

Tough, huh? So what did you think the institution of marriage is all about?
It is not just a simple matter of getting the license to f***

It is all about building future generations...

P.S. Why is it that when I start out to write one kind of entry, it ends up as a totally different kind of entry altogether?

4 comments:

i'm shin... i'm inesen said...

i'm reading.... hye ari~

Snuze said...

I always blow up, get irritated and even downright defensive when I need to stand up for what I believe in.

This is why I think we should all develop debating skills. The ability to step back, analyse and then decimate their arguments is a satisfying one to develop. *grin*

Looking back, I realized that as a teen, I almost never win an argument with my parents.
My thinking was less matured, of course, and if I my feelings weren't burning so strongly, I would have been able to see the validity of their argument.(...)However, that does not mean that my parents were always right. Valid reasons do not necessarily make the right reasons.


HOMG YEZZA. Luckily, as I grow older, I change my interaction with my parents from child-parent to adult-adult. We can agree to disagree, and though I may acquiesce, but I make my feelings and stand clear to them.

That is the hardest bit; evolving to speak to one's parents as adults. We can be stuck with the old way of meekly accepting like we did as a child and keep swallowing our resentment. But once I started to talk to my parents as an adult, it is sooooo liberating.

One may think, it happened such a long time ago that it no longer affect us. In fact, it left such a big impression on me that I always have this unshakeable feeling that I will lose any argument when standing up for myself. Thus, I get all worked up and angry for no apparent reason.

We get into a rut or a certain mindset that is hideously difficult to overcome. But we can do it! Trust in oneself! If you need to practice, I'll be there. *grin*

For example, my move to a different high school after Form 3, to a better school by far , but I failed to thrive there.
In fact, I got even more emotionally messed up and performed much less than expected, academically.


*high fives*

I so agree with you here. I was told that I would grow to be better in boarding school, excel academically etc etc. But no. However, with that said, I must admit that I got certain advantages while I was there.

The bullying made me stronger emotionally that whatever they dished during haluansiswa was like water down a duck's back for me. Secondly, I had the opportunity to "shine" in the co-curriculum, something I didn't get much in a huge school like Assunta. Because there were so few students, I was the school rep for debates, I got to be VP of Rangers, President of the Nature Club etc etc etc.

However, the bad things that I learnt are like skipping class, not applying myself when the going got tough and I think, worst of all, I learnt bone-deep apathy. I'm still trying to undo this, but it is soooo hard. I accept that it was a traumatic experience, yes but it was so long ago that I must stop using it as an excuse to not step up.

Ri said...

thanks for all your support sue and shin :)
much, much appreciated.

sue, you should've written this as an entry in your blog and backlink!

this is really good! it's such a waste sitting here in my comments box, which has very low traffic :P

Snuze said...

Thanks for the encouraging words, gorgeous. *hugs*

It's a real issue for people: how do you deal with your parents as an adult. At least respectful (?) repressed resentment is better than treating your parents like trash. :p

You are right in that we are conditioned to respond in a certain way by our environment and upbringing. It was only in my late twenties that I realise that the way I respond to things (e.g. flippancy at a serious question or sarcasm or even jumping down unfortunate victim's throat with both feet in hobnailed boots) is reflective of my interactions as a child.

I am trying to change to be a more humble, less critical and non-judgmental, but when my hot buttons get pushed it's hard, you know?