Echoing the Snuze

My dear friend, the Snuze, posted a comment that was most apt in my previous entry.

I do agree with her, but I also disagree. Becoming a changed and better person after paying a visit to the Holy Lands is true...
But only for a select few.

I have seen it with my own eyes. These lucky people, they're still themselves, but at the same time they're much better and more besides.
Do you get what I mean?
No?
Then all I can say is that seeing is believing, and I certainly have seen.

Unfortunately, I am not one of the chosen ones.

If I said that the story of Les Miserables did more to affirm my faith in Allah than any other formal 'ibaadah- would you understand me? Or would you condemn me as an apostate?

But I did. After the show, it was raining heavily as I travelled all the way back from Bandar Utama to Kelana Jaya and I was raining and booming along with the lightning and thunder.

For myself
For my family
For those I often hold more dear to heart than family

I prayed and I cried.
I couldn't differentiate between the raindrops splashing against my helmet's visor and the tears gushing from my eyes.
I couldn't differentiate between the sound of thunder and the prayers being wrenched out of lips from my soul.

Please...
I'm so weak
Please...
Take care of them for me
because I can barely take care of myself
Please...
Deny us the fate of our beloved Prophet's sollAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam beloved Uncle
Please...
We know it is completely in your Power
our ultimate fate
But, please...
pity us our weaknesses
And look down on us with Rahiim
Please...

Our Minder, our Caretaker

Please, please... bestow upon us in this world

all the goodness there ever was

as well as in the hereafter

all the goodness there ever was

and deliver us from the Fires

Reflections

This is one of those entries where the pictures bear absolutely no relation to the story so put away your genetic test kits for some other worthy purpose and enjoy the ride.

Those who enjoy my photos can take a gander at the rather somber images.

Those who enjoy my stories can read up and feel as if they now have a hang of the real me. Haha.

Those who enjoy neither- what the heck are you doing here?!!

Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don't know? Somehow I cannot hide who I am, though I tried. When will my reflection show who I am inside?

That song, the original sung by Lea Salonga in the flick, and the lyrics were my absolute favourite of all time. It hit me right between the eyes. I keep coming back to it each time I feel kind of lost and each time found it to be true.

It's true what Pakcik Salleh told me: When you go there, you are stripped of everything- you face only yourself. I've faced my own self. Thankfully, I found that it may be redeemable insyaAllah.

But it's also true what Abang Haji told me: When you return home, it's so easy to lose yourself. It's so easy to slip back into your shell where that redeemable self may be forever lost.

I find myself, currently, literally back where I started. Perhaps even worse! It's damn frustrating but at the same time I know that this is me, it's part of me- my nature and I am the only one who can modify it.

I'm disgusted with myself. Where have my promises to Budak Baik gone to now? To stop thinking with my heart? To weigh every word and action before putting them right out there for everyone to see and judge?

Kitaran lengkap satu gerak tari biasanya terdiri daripada 8 detik: 1, 2, 3, 4... 5, 6, 7, 8. Tapi gerak tariku kini- 1 dan 2 dan 3... Ada lebihan gerakan setengah detik pada sebahagian daripada tubuhku, terutamanya di bahagian tengah!

Ya, tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, aku kini secara rasminya sudah gemuk! Malah ramai kenalan yang terkejut lantas menegur tanpa berhemah, "Eh! Kau dah gemuk!!!"

Daripada itu, aku akan memulakan 'diet mengabaikan nasi' esok hari! Ini satu cabaran yang amat hebat (bagi aku) kerana nasi itu di mana-mana sahaja! Ia makanan ruji penduduk Malaysia! Satu hari tak nampak nasi dalam keadaan seharian kita yang biasa ini memang sesuatu yang ajaib!

Aku diberitahu oleh beberapa pengamal yang berjaya bahawa tempoh masa yang diperlukan untuk kembali ke berat badan ideal adalah sekitar 2 hingga 3 bulan! Doakanlah kejayaan aku ya? Terima kasih!

Tempat kerja aku baru selesai menjalani audit besar. Namun rakan sekerja yang menghadiri sesi perbincangan post-mortem petang tadi menyatakan kekecewaan mereka dengan sikap pengurusan terhadap dapatan dan teguran audit. Mereka seperti memandang enteng isu-isu yang telah dibangkitkan malah perkara yang remeh-temeh turut dibincang. Arahan tindakan? Jauh sekali!

Teguran dan dapatan tersebut adalah hasil pemerhatian daripada sekumpulan auditor yang berpengetahuan mendalam lagi amat berpengalaman. Ia bertujuan menambahbaik kualiti persekitaran kerja sekaligus perkhidmatan.

Kalau beginilah gayanya... Tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, melainkan keadaan mendesak, elakkanlah daripada mengunjungi kami untuk mendapatkan perkhidmatan.

There's still a long journey ahead of me, unless Allah deems otherwise. I pray that I am able to stay more or less on the path of ridha.

Oh, speaking of journeys, I so look forward to watching the unexpected one... That is, as soon as I'm done with my 24-7 duty at the end of the week! :p

'Wan'derful Saturday

Amik peluang jalan-jalan dengan Wan. Lama tul tak jumpa...

Amir loves flowers Fatin!

Mula-mula lepak Cheras Batu 10, ikut Wan buat job. Sebab Wan belum publish photo jadi sengaja crop gambar tu supaya lindung muka.

Lepas habis, nampak bebudak dok main bola dalam gerimis masa singgah berehat jap. Seronoknya jadi budak =_= but alas, you can't go back!

Kemudian ke sekitar kawasan Bandar Tun Razak. Hampir semua tiang bangunan ada mangkuk Astro. Not sure if I managed to capture the essence- ada nampak rupa macam cendawan tumbuh kat pangkal pokok tak?

Seterusnya ke Gulam Mee, Kota Damansara dengan tujuan nak tengok bola: Malaysia lawan Indonesia...

Akhirnya bukan aku tengok bola, tapi dok perhati penonton-penonton bola. Lagi exciting kot... Macam-macam perangai! Hehe! Gambar di atas ni gambar tak jadi sebenarnya tapi suka tengok expression diorang dalam ni.

Lepas tu Wan bawak gi Damansara Uptown. Siap ada pentas 'karok' yang pilihan lagu-lagu dia membuatkan kita berasa seperti sedang bersiar-siar di Indonesia.

Second last stop, rumah Wan, untuk transfer gambar yang kitorang amik kat majlis kahwin siang tadi. Wan tembak sampai seribu lebih tak muat memory card jadi pinjam kamera aku jap! Haha!

Seronok sangat dapat jalan-jalan dengan Wan lagi.

Terima kasih daun keladi

Ada rezki jalan lagi

Bole ye?