Reflections

This is one of those entries where the pictures bear absolutely no relation to the story so put away your genetic test kits for some other worthy purpose and enjoy the ride.

Those who enjoy my photos can take a gander at the rather somber images.

Those who enjoy my stories can read up and feel as if they now have a hang of the real me. Haha.

Those who enjoy neither- what the heck are you doing here?!!

Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don't know? Somehow I cannot hide who I am, though I tried. When will my reflection show who I am inside?

That song, the original sung by Lea Salonga in the flick, and the lyrics were my absolute favourite of all time. It hit me right between the eyes. I keep coming back to it each time I feel kind of lost and each time found it to be true.

It's true what Pakcik Salleh told me: When you go there, you are stripped of everything- you face only yourself. I've faced my own self. Thankfully, I found that it may be redeemable insyaAllah.

But it's also true what Abang Haji told me: When you return home, it's so easy to lose yourself. It's so easy to slip back into your shell where that redeemable self may be forever lost.

I find myself, currently, literally back where I started. Perhaps even worse! It's damn frustrating but at the same time I know that this is me, it's part of me- my nature and I am the only one who can modify it.

I'm disgusted with myself. Where have my promises to Budak Baik gone to now? To stop thinking with my heart? To weigh every word and action before putting them right out there for everyone to see and judge?

Kitaran lengkap satu gerak tari biasanya terdiri daripada 8 detik: 1, 2, 3, 4... 5, 6, 7, 8. Tapi gerak tariku kini- 1 dan 2 dan 3... Ada lebihan gerakan setengah detik pada sebahagian daripada tubuhku, terutamanya di bahagian tengah!

Ya, tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, aku kini secara rasminya sudah gemuk! Malah ramai kenalan yang terkejut lantas menegur tanpa berhemah, "Eh! Kau dah gemuk!!!"

Daripada itu, aku akan memulakan 'diet mengabaikan nasi' esok hari! Ini satu cabaran yang amat hebat (bagi aku) kerana nasi itu di mana-mana sahaja! Ia makanan ruji penduduk Malaysia! Satu hari tak nampak nasi dalam keadaan seharian kita yang biasa ini memang sesuatu yang ajaib!

Aku diberitahu oleh beberapa pengamal yang berjaya bahawa tempoh masa yang diperlukan untuk kembali ke berat badan ideal adalah sekitar 2 hingga 3 bulan! Doakanlah kejayaan aku ya? Terima kasih!

Tempat kerja aku baru selesai menjalani audit besar. Namun rakan sekerja yang menghadiri sesi perbincangan post-mortem petang tadi menyatakan kekecewaan mereka dengan sikap pengurusan terhadap dapatan dan teguran audit. Mereka seperti memandang enteng isu-isu yang telah dibangkitkan malah perkara yang remeh-temeh turut dibincang. Arahan tindakan? Jauh sekali!

Teguran dan dapatan tersebut adalah hasil pemerhatian daripada sekumpulan auditor yang berpengetahuan mendalam lagi amat berpengalaman. Ia bertujuan menambahbaik kualiti persekitaran kerja sekaligus perkhidmatan.

Kalau beginilah gayanya... Tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, melainkan keadaan mendesak, elakkanlah daripada mengunjungi kami untuk mendapatkan perkhidmatan.

There's still a long journey ahead of me, unless Allah deems otherwise. I pray that I am able to stay more or less on the path of ridha.

Oh, speaking of journeys, I so look forward to watching the unexpected one... That is, as soon as I'm done with my 24-7 duty at the end of the week! :p