Monday, June 16, 2008

The present is all we have...

I'm on the brink of building new friendships, new relationships, but I hesitate...


I'm one of those unfortunates who are too aware of their past and hence it makes me too aware of my future.

You'd think that with all the experience I have, relationship with another person can be facilitated somewhat. However, as my relationships grow, friends keep telling me that I've changed, that I've transformed from this fun loving guy into some sad creature they hardly recognize or know how to deal with!

Another fact that kept getting shoved in my face is that I'm always taking more than I give. How did they come to that conclusion? Haven't I gave enough? What is it that makes me seem to have taken more than I have given? I have never been able to figure it out! It's so damn frustrating!

Pak Lang, do you think you could give your opinion on this? From your friendship with me and your superior knowledge of the human psyche, can you tell me what is going on?

Live in the 'now'... Apai used to tell me that it's the one thing I've never been able to do. Is that the reason? I wish Apai would just tell me what it was that made him turn away from me all those years ago because until I understand, it's just going to happen again and again and I don't think my heart can take it any more...

But in the true fashion of most guys, he refuses to dwell on it. To him, what's done is done. Let us start over fresh. Budak Baik is also the same in that regard but it's a fact that he's never been to me what he was before. Or maybe he never was like that and it was all done for my benefit. I wish I could let go like most guys. 

The image portrayed above is of Sumeragi Subaru, one of my favourite manga/anime characters, because our situations are somewhat similar...

I want so much to reach out and seal that offer of friendship...

1 comment:

pakalang said...

My dear friend,
it sounds as if you're balancing the pros and cons of starting a new raltionship. Whatever it is that you're weighing, you're the best person to know their merit. In the end, only you know your destination, goals and aspirations. "What is it that you really want?" Only you can answer this question.