Realization...

It has never been about me...

Tak kira lar Abang Imam ke, Helmy ke, atau Sham, Abang Apai, Boy, Budak Baik, malah ramai lagi. Because when I make it about me, that's when things start going wrong...

It may have taken me 20 freaking years to realize but the important thing is I've realized it. Dakara Man nii-san, hontou ni arigatou gozaimashita.

It may have been hormones (or maybe it's just my c**k talking :P) that made me approach them in the first place but Rabbiy has other plans.

Rabbiy led me to these people NOT BECAUSE of what they could give me BUT BECAUSE of what I can potentially do for them.

Previously, somewhere in between, my needs would have entered the picture. The needs are emotional and highly demanding. It drains the relationship to a breaking point, where they will just give up and leave...

Rabbiy didn't bring us together to fulfill my needs but for me to fulfill theirs. I was there to help them, advise them, support them, be there for them, care for them as much as I'm humanly able.

I know there will be times when it will tire and overwhelm me, times when I would want to demand more of the relationship, but I know I shouldn't. And I hope this realization will give me the strength to refrain, because...

...it has never been about me. It never will be. All I need to be is there when they need me and as for the rest, 'alaihi tawakkaltu...