Thursday, July 07, 2011


I simply lost it at that meeting.

Righ there- in front of my colleagues, the engineers, the contractors...

I only realized it when I found myself banging the table, not forcefully but quite audibly enough to surprise those who have only known me for brief moments.

I managed to excuse myself to go to the washroom and wash my face.

But my heart sank because I've failed again to honour my pact with Budak Baik.

Budak Baik pernah bertanya tentang aku kepada beberapa insan di tempat kerja,

"Kenal tak XXX?"

"Yang muka sedih tu? Dia ada problem ke?"
"Oh, yang garang tu. Kenal! Nape?"
"Ha ah. Dia moody ek?"

Me- in a nutshell.
But I think you can probably guess as much from my writings.

He and I had a good talk after the Langkawi episode and I promised myself and to him that I will strive to be a calmer, happier person.
And to treat others well, no matter who they are nor how I personally think/feel about them.

I have managed well so far. There were the occasional hiccups and there was one almost major relapse.
But this second relapse shows that I'm doing far from well.
It made me think that I might not have progressed at all.

I miss Budak Baik.
I wish I could chat with him like before.
But he's moved on and I'm hardly a part of his life anymore.

I'm okay though. I have to be. Because right now in this life-

there's only me...


Snuze said...

It is not logical to expect you to be Stepford at all times. We have a right to our emotions as well as expressing it.

Granted, expressing ourselves may make other people uncomfortable, but methinks with communication strategies, you can get your point across in a calm and authoritative manner. Hence, without accusations of you being emo, you can persuade people and make yourself feel better.

But that is easier said than done, admittedly. Which is why I subscribe to Verbal Judo. Who knows? Maybe one day I'll fork out for the course.

Because sometimes biting your tongue only just makes it bleed.

i'm shin... i'm inesen said...

hurm.. bertahan~

Ri said...

sue-verbal judo: of course easy peasy for ms ex-debater n researcher like yourself la. haha!

shin-insyaAllah. sedang usaha ni!

naz said...

I guess now everyone is having an emotional meltdown for reasons that only they know. Sometimes when push comes to shove, shoving back is a good option.

Like you said, out all of this things there's only going to be you in the end.