Kabus dan Sirna

Mengapakah kurasa
kedinginannya malam?
Sedangkan tubuhku
dibaluti selimut

Mengapa ku terasa
sukar pabila bernafas?
Sedang ku berada
di pasir tak tersentuh laut

Apakah rahsia
yang menirai diriku?
Sehingga wajah di cermin terlihat
bukannya diriku yang sejati
Sebaliknya hanya
wajah penuh duka

Dalam merawan hiba
pergi dan hilang sesuatu berharga
Yang belum pun menjadi milik
peribadiku semalam

Dalam merawan luka
kabus dan sirna warna permata
Yang belum pun meninggalkan
kesan sebenarnya dalam hidupku

Langkawi alone… again!

The experience does not sound as bad as the title seem to be.

I hitched Cik Easy and company for a ride to Kedah. While there, Cik Easy and gang (who are supposed to be working) brought me along to try out the good food places such as Kuala Kechai (for laksa Kedah), Kopitiam (for breakfast) and Damiral’s (for way inexpensive Western cuisine).

As for Langkawi itself, it rained a lot but that didn’t stop me from enjoying myself. In truth, this would be much better as a photoblog entry so what I’ll do is stop right here and resume this entry more properly once my home has been reconnected to the worldwide web!

But please, don’t hold your breath. I would NOT be held responsible for anything that may happen if you do. Just be calm in the knowledge that it will come ;)

p.s. While traveling, no matter how pressed for time you are, do make sure to check that you have all your belongings when you exit the restroom. I lost my hand phone in Arau when I forgot to collect my pouch.

Raya Blues...

Have I told you how much I hated Raya?

Hmm… maybe ‘hate’ is too strong a word for it. It’s more like I don’t enjoy celebrating Raya a whole lot ever since I’ve learned what ‘celebrating it’ entails.

All that preparing and cooking and baking and rearranging and decorating and cleaning up the mess after the celebrating for ME is much ado about nothing. You see, all the fun and merriment that comes with preparing for Raya only works for big families. There’s only me, Ma and Pa at home therefore all the preparation feels like what it actually is- a chore (and I, of course, am one lazy sumbitch ;) but let’s not get into that)!

Personally I feel that celebrating Raya should be more of a private and spiritual thing. Yes, guests are welcomed but please don’t expect too much. It IS a virtue to honour one’s guests but the lavishness of one cannot and should not be followed by others. Entertain within your means, physically as well as financially.

Now, I hate writing this sort of article (here’s a place where that word does fit!) because it makes me sound 'holier than thou' when I am in fact simply justifying what I don’t want to be doing :P

I’d like to rant on and on about this but Ma’s already calling me downstairs to do the cookie jars and table settings. So I’ll see you after Raya! Ciao!

A Different Ramadhan...

This month of Ramadhan has been vastly different from last year.

For one, I’m more or less going it alone this year. I’ve voluntarily cut myself off from my current group of buddies since after revisiting Janda Baik with them. It’s a peculiarity of mine to just drop everything once an Event has occurred and let time determine if everything will pick up where it left off or just fizzle out.

I’m happy to inform you that things did pick up though there was much change mainly because most of my buddies have found better jobs elsewhere and we no longer have the opportunity to hang out as often.

I’m also less able to adhere to the restrictions and requirements of the fasting month. Though most believe that fasting is simply withholding oneself from sunrise to sundown from acts that may break the fast, it is so much more than that. It’s the much more than that part that I fail miserably at.

And I went to fewer breaking of fast events as compared to last year though I assure myself that it is a good thing. There were only 2 major events: gathering with my buddies at Kelana Seafood and makan-makan at Ustaz’s new home.

All in all it’s been a less than satisfying Ramadhan, especially since I’m targeting to go for Haj (hopefully with Ustaz) this year, and I really needed to step it up in order to be ready.

Guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it…

p.s. I know I shouldn't be associating Ramadhan with food but it's the only image i could think of for this entry :P

I'm baaaaack...!!!

(written on the 1st of December 2007)

Hello, hello, hello…!!!

It’s been a really long while since I last updated this blog. The main reason being that I know how few (IF any) readers I actually have!

But I felt I owe it to myself to maintain this journal as it is one of the few things I’ve been able to keep up since I started it :P

I’ll be uploading all those stories that need telling in chronological order. To my almost non-existent readers, I dedicate these stories to you…

p.s. The other big reason i haven't been updating is because the network card for my home PC was lightning fried, hmm, let's see... about 6 months ago and i haven't managed to stir myself to get it replaced. I have been donating money to Streamyx for inexplicable charitable causes since then :P

Dunia batinku...

Awal perkenalan kami, aku telah menujukan lagu ini kepada Budak Baik.

Waktu itu bulan Ramadhan dan ketika itu aku sedang membonceng motor bersamanya dalam perjalanan pulang dari majlis berbuka puasa. Bersama kami mendendangkannya untuk menceriakan suasana. Sejuk angin malam hapus dalam senyum tawanya yang riang.

Kemungkinan kini, akhirnya dia mengerti makna lagu ini…

Selalu ku bayangkan
Bagaimanakah agaknya rasa di tempatmu
Di samping kekasih yang membelai hati dan perasaanmu, oh kawanku…

Malu ku nak cerita
Kerana ku tak mahu kau sampai baca rahsiaku
Biarlah tak siapa yang tahu gejolak di dunia batinku

Zahir kau lihat bukan segala-gala
Bibir tersenyum menutup jiwa yang duka
Zahir kau lihat hanya antara lapis
Mataku sinar bergenang tangis

Memang nasib pencinta
Kerap terhenti di simpang hidup rindukan cahaya
Sang kasih yang setia
Sang kasih yang amat sempurna cintanya

Biarlah tak siapa yang tahu
Gejolak di dunia batinku

Zahir kau lihat bukan segala-gala
Bibir tersenyum menutup jiwa yang duka
Zahir kau lihat hanya antara lapis
Mataku sinar bergenang tangis

Demi cinta yang benar...

It's a small world...

Ma never was the sentimental type of person, unlike Pa and me.

But she could recall the most amusing stories of her life and tell it in a very interesting manner. This evening, she was recounting the fact of how small this world really is.

To Ma it was like she was revolving around the same circle of acquaintances. One instance was when she got married to her first hubby, the best man cum wedding planner was; let’s just call him Mr. X. Much later in life when she married Pa, and who happened to turn up but Mr. X, who turned out to be Pa’s close relative.

She’d also run into and got reacquainted to various kampung mates, classmates and the likes who were related to Pa in one way or another. They may be his family and friends or his colleagues’ wife, even his boss’ wife!

In fact Ma got unasked for bits of news regarding her ex-hubby by dint of the guy being Pa’s friend’s neighbor, which amused Pa greatly since he knew Ma’s first marriage ended less than amiably.

For Ma, as she keeps bumping into these characters from the past, it is indeed a very small world after all.

Cheese Louise...!!!

Gourmet cheeses are an acquired taste and my recent experience made me fervently wish I had not attempted to acquire it!

It’s been a while since I’ve been to Paya Serai. So one fine evening I decided to go for their buffet dinner. Throughout the dinner, I realized that I must be getting really old because I was already feeling full after the fourth course whereas before I was almost virtually bottomless! Well, that fact aside, let’s get back to our topic- the gourmet cheeses!

Okay, as I breeze through the wide variety of selections, I often pass by the cheese tray. Usually neglecting this offer for other more exotic temptations, this time I decided to say ‘what the hey…’ and cut myself tiny portions of the cheeses displayed.

There were five different types if I remembered correctly (though it most certainly doesn’t aid one’s recall when one is trying one’s best to FORGET the experience). There were several triangular blocks of differing hues; orange, strong yellow with red crust, pale yellow with white crust, creamy white; and one bell shaped with a crust of what I think is bluish grey mould.

The first one I tried was rather bland, a mere echo of the mass produced individually wrapped square cheese slices available in supermarkets. However, as I proceeded to bite into the next few selections, they all tasted to varying degrees of rotten. The final one was so redolent of ammonia it felt like I was chewing frozen piss, if you’d pardon my expression.

It took all my willpower and large mouthfuls of warm water in between bites to finish off the cheese course. Why not just leave it then, you ask me? Two reasons: firstly, when I voluntarily chose to eat something, I will polish it off regardless of what I think about it and secondly, I paid good money for this meal so I’m sure as hell going to eat it!!!

Thereby, I give my most solemn of vows to stick to your normal average supermarket cheese until a really convincing argument shall persuade me to once again give the gourmet cheeses a second chance!

The power of goodbye...

All it took was just one silly sms to disrupt someone’s life…

… and the effect took away one of the most important person in mine. As I write this, the reality has not yet begun to sink in. I don’t feel anything. But I dread the moment when the shock wears off.

As I take step after plodding step through life, I am now bereft of one more support. Therefore the steps I am taking now feel that much heavier.

He came back after stepping out of my life 9 long years ago and now he’s gone once again, more permanently it seems. In the short time that we’re together, he’d done so much for me just by being there because he’s one of the few people who truly understands and accepts me for what I am.

I know I’ll miss him so much, but what’s done is done. The fault was mine. I finally crossed the line and it’s the breaking point of our friendship. I realize that his own life is full of challenges and he doesn’t need more burden added to all that. Therefore I can admit that I gladly let him go though it really saddens me.

Everything happens for a reason. After all that I have experienced, I do believe that what has occurred is most likely the best thing to happen to us though I don’t think I’ll ever see how I’ll benefit from this second breakup with my favourite ‘big brother’.

I do have such a knack for spoiling all the friendship I have managed to cultivate. I think I’m going to give friendship a rest for a time and just go through life on my own the best that I am able.

As my few last words, I’d like to once again wish you and family all the best in this world and the hereafter. Apai nii-san, subete wo hontou ni sumimasen deshita. Sayonara, nii-san…

Hanging on...

First and foremost, I would like to deeply apologize to Abang Apai for my uncalled for sms question.

I'm hanging on by a thread and I'm just grasping at anything that comes to hand. I lost control for a while, but that is no excuse. I understand if you refuse to answer and keep quiet. I deserve it.

My situation is still the same. I guess the following song best describes it though it is by no means accurate. I need to accept that things have changed and there's not a thing I can or could have done to prevent it.

I just miss the old him so much...

How can I just let you walk away?
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me?
When all I can do is watch you leave
Because we shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

So take look at me now
There’s just an empty space
There’s nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face

So take look at me now
There’s just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds
And that’s what I’ve got to face

I wish I can get you to turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There’s so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

So take look at me now
There’s just an empty space
There’s nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face

So take look at me now
There’s just an empty space
But to wait for you is all I can do
And that’s what I’ve got to face

Take a good look at me now
Because I’ll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
And that’s a chance I’ve got to take

warkah terbuka buat [Agung]...

Assalam 'alaikum wa rahmatuLlah...

Saudaraku [Agung],

Zahir ini sihat wal 'afiat. Moga kau juga dalam keadaan sihat serta selamat sejahtera sentiasa.

Terima kasih atas kata-kata semangat yang diberikan. Aku sangat-sangat menghargainya.

Janganlah ambil hati sekiranya aku tidak meluahkan masalah yang kuhadapi ini kepadamu. Bukannya disebabkan kau orang yang asing bagiku. Diriku ini sebenarnya jenis yang selesa meluahkan perasaan kepada sesiapa yang ikhlas dan sudi mendengar.

Namun setelah sekian lama menghadapi kebuntuan ini, kudapati bahawa aku perlu menanggungnya sendiri. Kerana yang mampu benar-benar memahami dan menerimanya hanya aku seorang.

Malah aku akan turut mendiamkan diri dengan saudara-saudara yang kuanggap akrab di hatiku ini. Lebih baik begitu daripada mengharapkan pengertian dari mereka yang tidak mungkin dapat mereka berikan.

Akhir kata, terima kasih sekali lagi, wahai saudaraku [Agung] dan sudi-sudikanlah untuk terus berkunjung ke sini. Moga daripada kisah-kisah yang kusampaikan nanti dapat kau mengambil tauladan dan manfaat daripadanya...

WasSalaam...

Dari saudaramu yang jauh,

Ri

Bukanlah diriku...

Langkahku tersasar. Mustahil bagiku berpatah balik. Namun aku perlu teruskan juga...

...waktu terasa semakin berlalu
tinggalkan cerita tentang kita
akan tiada lagi kini tawamu
'tuk hapuskan semua sepi di hati...

...kiambang menjadi lambang
kau bagai bayang-bayang
kini ku terbuang...

...maafkanlah aku bila ku menjadi bisu kepada dirimu
bukan santun ku terbungkam
hanya hatiku berbatas 'tuk mengerti kamu
maafkanlah aku...

...Tuhanku ku rindu tawaku yang dulu
kejujuran dan kebenaran yang dulu ku tahu
ke mana semua?
sejauh itukah ku sesat sudah?

...aku 'kan menghilang dalam pekat malam
lepas ku melayang
biarlah ku bertanya pada bintang-bintang
tentang erti kita
dalam mimpi yang sempurna...

AlhamduliLlah Rabb al-'alamiin...

Nii-san,

Something wonderful happened to me. For these past few weeks, many events occured that strengthened and affirmed my faith in Allah. Hontou ni, Allah knows what is best for you. Shinjiru yo!

Nii-san, do you remember that I told you that I'd be going to Acheh on official business ? I did a lot of soul searching and solat istikharah before I put my name down for that trip. I was glad to be accepted and was very excited to go.

Unfortunately, I was slotted to go on the 17th to the 24th of May, which means I had to miss out on my buddies' farewell outing this weekend. I was so looking forward to it and it made me very sad.

However, since that's the way things worked out, I accept. Shigata ga nai yo ne...

Demo, guess what, nii-san? The Acheh trip was postponed to a later date and now I am able to join the farewell outing!

Furthermore, things between Lil Bro and me seems to be working out as well. Hopefully I will be able to maintain it and improve on it. Allah, please guide me towards the right path, the path You bless and steer me away from the path of the lost.

I feel so grateful to Allah that there are actually no words for it but all I can say is AlhamduliLlah...

Melangkah berasingan...

19-20 Mei 2007 yang akan datang, hutan Ulu Gombak bakal menyaksikan kemeriahan suatu acara.

Bertempat di Jungle Lodge Alang Sedayu, ia turut merupakan majlis perpisahan bagi beberapa orang rakanku yang akan atau telah meletakkan jawatan.


Walaubagaimanapun, aku terkilan kerana tidak dapat menghadiri acara yang amat ku tunggu ini, begitu terkilan sekali. Sebab yang paling utama adalah kerana ia kemungkinan besar kali yang terakhir kami dapat berkumpul bersama dalam suasana begini.




Maka tibanya 19 Mei akan menyaksikan keberangkatan rakan-rakanku ke Gombak sementara ketika itu aku telah pun berada di bumi Acheh untuk membantu mereka yang masih memerlukan. Sedih berbaur dengan perasaan teruja. Namun telah ditakdirkan Allah maka aku redha dan akur dengan ketentuannya. Aku hanya mampu mendoakan keselamatan dan kesejahteraan mereka sepanjang acara tersebut berlangsung.

Short Story

"…but I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here…"

It was past two in the morning. He lay there on his bed in the dark between sleep and wakefulness. He’s waiting for that call; the call that will most certainly come especially after the lengthy explanation lil bro had given him about how sayang is afraid to sleep by herself. Lil bro is worried for her. He was worried for both lil bro and sayang.

He’s agreed to come with them to this resort not only to show them around but also to chaperone. Right now he’s in one heck of a dilemma. He’s already let them get away with more than what he knows is proper but to let lil bro stay with sayang while she slept is more than he dares to allow.

The call came soon enough. He heard lil bro stir in the other bed, answering the call almost immediately because he too had been expecting it. He could hear lil bro lovingly reason with sayang to try and go to sleep though deep inside he knows lil bro will eventually give in and go to be by her side.

And suddenly, he felt an overwhelming sense of not belonging to the whole situation. He had to get out of the room. It didn’t really matter where to. He just wanted out, to get away right there and then under the cover of darkness, but unfortunately, he also figured that wherever he goes, he’d definitely need to come back to the room when his ass freezes over. So he reluctantly switched on his reading light in order to grab his room card key.

He could sense the surprise from lil bro at this sudden development but ignored it and rushed out of the room. He forgets to hold the door when it closes which resulted in a bang so noisy due to the quietness of the hour, but he refused to care about that as he walked as fast as he can towards where he remembered there was a door leading to the gardens. He’s wearing only a cotton shirt and sarong so it was going to be cuttingly cold out there but right now he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about that. In fact it could be just the distraction he needs.

But the damned exit was frigging locked at this time of night, probably for security reasons. Denied a destination, he had no choice but to head further down the corridor. All he could find was a dead end and a door opening to the fire exit staircase. He chose the latter to have a time out. He didn’t stay long. He figured that he’d been away long enough for lil bro to go to sayang. He just didn’t want to be there when it happens though he knows it’s a cowardly act considering the huge responsibility he’d accepted.

Once he calmed down a bit, he walked back to the room fully expecting to find it empty. But lil bro was still there in his bed and apparently waiting for him with concern. He had to assure lil bro that he was okay before lil bro would explain that he needed to accompany sayang next door. Lil bro assured him that he’ll take care how he goes about it and leave the door open. Lil bro told him that he’ll come back once he manages to get sayang to sleep. Since there wasn’t anything he could do to help lil bro with regards to sayang and because he realized that it wasn’t his place to do so, he offered to wait up until lil bro came back. It was all he could think of to do.

So he waited, and eventually lil bro did return as promised, chatting happily with relief now that he’d manage to coax sayang to sleep. And still he waited a while more after that in the dark until he hears lil bro’s breathing deepen into the rhythm of slumber. He hasn’t done a very good job as chaperone but since everything ended on a good note, he’s willing to leave well enough alone. After feeling quite sure that both lil bro and sayang would at least get some amount of rest, he let the relief steal over him and falls into a deep sleep.

Siapa gerangan dikau wahai [Agung]
Yang singgah di kelopak ingatanku bagai sang rerama?
Menemani kesepian
Menyuntik semangat
Sepenuh penghargaan kuberi
Moga Allah merahmati usahamu
Dan moga dikau sudi
Untuk terus berkunjung ke rantau sepi ini

Terus berjalan menyusuri hidup...

Kini dia masih berada di sisiku. Ku mohon kepadaNya agar dapat terus begini. Namun andai ketentuanNya adalah sebaliknya, aku pasrah. Cuma ku mohon dikurniakan kesabaran dan kekuatan untuk meniti hari-hari sepi sebagaimana yang ku lalui sebelum ini…

Seandainya kau ada di sini denganku
Mungkin ku tak sendiri
Bayanganmu yang selalu menemaniku
Hiasi malam sepiku
Ku ingin bersama dirimu
Ku tak akan pernah berpaling darimu
Walau kini kau jauh dariku
Kau selalu ku nanti
Kerna ku sayang kamu

Sekadar di pinggiran

Tiada guna kau berpatah arah
Jika niatmu menyambung kasih
Apalah ertinya ditemani tangisan atau rintihan

Untuk apa kau kembali lagi?
Sekadar hanya untuk menyakiti
Cukuplah sudah di sini saja
Biar aku pendam duka
Hati sedih, hati pedih
Mengenangkan keindahan bersamamu
Tidak ku sampai ke puncak sana
Apalah daya bertahan cuma
Di pinggiran yang memilukan

Jauh sekali di sudut hati
Menyimpan dendam yang amat mendalam
Akan ku sahut namamu, oh sayang
Sewaktu ku kesunyian

Lenyapkanlah kisah pilu…

Reversal...

Once again, I am staring at people who interest me.

I feel like a damned stalker. I know how uncomfortable it can be for the object of my attention but I just can’t help it.

Up to this moment, I never realized how completely I’ve relied on him to fill that empty space in my heart. And I’ve also realized how completely I had let go of him that fateful day in order to keep his friendship.

The realization hit me really hard, like a punch in the gut, as I see the wariness and suspicion in the eyes of each person I set my gaze upon.

I can’t keep on living like this but I hardly have a choice in the matter. And looking is all I can do. Everyday I pray for the strength to go on…

Fragile?

Why do people treat me as if I’m so fragile?

I may be more sensitive than your average guy but is it really that bad?! What is it about me that make the people around me feel that they need to handle me with kids’ glove?

Though it’s gratifying to know that people care enough about me to censor what they say or do when with me, but being aware that I am hampering them from truly being themselves can really put me down.

It makes me think twice when I want to hang out with them. Would they truly enjoy being with me or are they putting up with me for my sake? I truly have no idea. Though never mentioned, I do notice that I am not the company of choice for most events or outings.

I really enjoy and love hanging out with them but I often feel very self conscious and guilty whenever I do so lest I ruin their day in some manner. What the heck am I supposed to decide?

Why do people treat me as if I’m so fragile?

Shh... It's Chinese New Year!!!

I actually got to sleep last night.

I wondered if I was just so damned tired but I guess the law enforcement team has made good on their promise to put a choke on firecracker sales. And is it me again or does the Chinese New Year celebration this year seem a bit muted?

But seriously, this is not a complaint. As much as I love my neighbours, having to put up with a firecrackers extravaganza while you’re trying to get some shut eye can truly test one’s patience although one does get used to it after 30 odd years.

Having said all that though, this Chinese New Year does feel really weird due to the quieter atmosphere.

Please give me the chance...

It is times like these that I treasure very much, spending time with my Lil Bro.

They are often bittersweet moments, but I choose to take the good with the bad and be very thankful to Allah for it.

From his chats, I get glimpses into his thoughts, feelings and life. From there I realize how much of his life I am missing. I want to know so much more, even play a bigger part in his life but I refrained from even prying. The last time I gave in to that impulse, it brought disastrous results.

Like any other guy, he would open up when he is ready. There are also things that he will try to sort out on his own and things he keep to himself.

I’d just have to wait and be there whenever he needs me though I know that is impossible to achieve. There will be times when I’ll miss the chance and I grieve for those lost opportunities but there’s no help for it...


…but to remind myself to be grateful for those chances I do get.

Sendiri lagi...

Entah mengapa, kala hendak pulang daripada kelas piano aku tiba-tiba berasa pilu dan sepi yang amat sangat.

Usai solat Maghrib, aku pantas menuju ke tempat letak motosikal. Palm telah ku setkan untuk memainkan beberapa lagu pilihan lantas aku merempit tanpa tujuan (mimpi ler aku nak merempit! bawak pun takat 80 jer… : P).



Namun di luar sedar, aku telah tiba di kawasan kediaman Budak Baik. Aku kini terlalu segan untuk memohon masanya lebih daripada apa yang dia telah berikan padaku. Aku dah terlalu terhutang budi dengannya dan telah membebankannya melampaui yang patut, jadi aku tidak menghubunginya.

Aku mengambil keputusan untuk ke Masjid Wilayah sahaja akan tetapi kudapati aku tidak dapat mengingat jalan untuk ke sana. Maka aku pun berlegar-legar di jalan raya sehingga waktu Isya. Aku perlu pulang.

Aku halakan kenderaanku menuju ke rumah dengan hati yang begitu berat…

Happy birthday, kawan...

Hari ini aku bersama-sama kawan-kawan meraikan hari lahir salah seorang daripada kami.

Walaupun simple, tapi jenuh gak nak mengaturnya sebab nak buat surprise.

Satu detik yang mencemaskan ialah apabila kawan yang hendak dirai tiba-tiba hendak memasuki bilik yang sedang disiapkan untuk majlis tersebut. Aku ler yang jadi mangsa untuk alih perhatian mamat tu. Siap kena maki sebab aku mengarut menda ntah apa-apa.

Tapi diversion berjaya beb! Walaupun pintu bilik tu dah terkuak skit, mujur tak sempat nampak apa-apa yang tak patut. Dan kawan tu memang benar-benar terkejut dan terharu.

Moga beliau ditetapkan iman, dipanjangkan umur dan dimurahkan rezki…amiin.

Kenangan Indah 1

Huhu… aku yang sekarang main bola tau.

Alah, sekadar suka-suka tendang bola jer, bukan aku reti pun. Tapi member bola aku sume terer-terer oo… nampak le segala macam skill yang dah lama terpendam, yang menunjukkan diorang pernah ligat beraksi sebagai bintang bola sepak suatu masa dahulu.

Seronok tengok diorang main bola. Nampak happy walaupun keletihan. Aku tumpang gembira jer, sekadar cukupkan korum. Mujur diorang sume sporting. Aku fumble camne pun diorang relek jer :).

Sebelum ni kitorang sibuk main badminton. Tapi kitorang alih kepada bola lak sebab boleh hadkan masa. Maghrib dah kena berenti. Kalau badminton, lepas Maghrib bole sambung lagi sebab main kat indoor court yang terang benderang. Lepas tu kitorang gak yang kepenatan dan sakit-sakit badan esoknya padahal nak kena gi keja.

Hmm… apa tujuan aku tulis menda ni? Sebenarnya sebagai tanda ingatan, kerana keadaan takkan selalu camni. Jadi baik aku abadikan dalam catatan maya aku ini sebagai salah satu kenangan terindah…

Since I've been gone...

Hey bloggie! What’s up? I know, I know, I’ve been gone too long. Jap je dah 3 bulan ek?

Banyak tul yang dah berlaku, bloggie, I wouldn’t know where to start even if I wanted to write it all down, which I don’t.

Something major happened, major to me at least. I don’t think that all the others involved even realized anything had happened. Camne nak jelaskan ye… it’s like having a piece of the puzzle that you’ve been looking for all this time fall right into place. Suddenly you see the big picture and how much you don’t matter in the scheme of things.

Dan dengan semudah itu, jiwa yang penuh ini terus kosong, kembali sepi. Dan kini aku kembali mencari dengan penuh harapan yang kemungkinan besar tidak akan dipenuhi. But still I go on hoping, coz hope is all I got.

Ntah le bloggie… setelah tambah tolak campur bahagi, aku dapati yang I really love the way things are now, but change will come and I need to be ready. However, things like this, we’ll never ever be ready for it. Hopefully, the more things change, the more it’ll stay the same.

In fact I love all these people around me more than life itself. I only pray for the time to provide for them in all aspects before I go.

That’s it for now. Now that I’m gone, I’ll be seeing you soon and more often bloggie dear. Ja ne…